Y 4:33 AM
is this really wad you wan from our relationship?
u werent even sincere about it.
u knew i was upset with you, yet you dint even pacify me.
all you did was to try on the new belt i got for you.
and wad happens at night?
u said something happened to your aunt you need to visit her..
meeting your mum and you're taking an mrt down..
the last train wasnt gone when i saw you, but wad did i see?
u went up on a cab with another gal.
this is how true you are to me?
how you dint wanna destroy our relationship?
in fact you're destroyed it totally.
how you expect me to believe you when this is wad i saw?
dun expect me to trust you cos its not the first time.
u express feelings to a gal when you're with me and still dare say there's only me in your heart.
wtf...
and wad now?
u're off on a cab with another gal...
i dunno how i can handle but i'll definetely handle it well..
its my first relationship that i got cheated twice by the same guy which i chose to believe and love over my ex who loved me so much... and this is wad i get.
dun expect me to forgive you when all you did was to keep silent..
silence means consent..
and since you've consented to wad you do... there's nothing more i can say..
i hate it when you give me that professional smile look, you knew i hate it yet you showed me that..
i'm not your customer... get that right..
u knew i'm not happy with you, if you think i had wronged you, u should have argued back. but u dint... wad does this mean? i dint wrong u at all..
u know, i really hoped u argued with me and quarrelled with me. when i hoped that you were there, u weren't.
as much as i hoped u would come find me still even though i dint wanna go work with you, u dint appear..
as much as i dint wanna talk to you, u dint even try talking to me.. all u did was to sleep.
as much as i hoped u would find a way to cancel your work to pacify me and go out with me as promised, u dint..
as much as i hoped u concerned for me like before, u dint...
all you gave was that stupid idiotic professional smile and silence.
dun tell me u're true to me cos i wun believe anymore..
words means nothing, so does writing on cards and tissue...
actions speaks louder than words..
there is a time limit for wad i can handle before i let go totally.
if u think u still wanna be my knight, than u better play smart.
do as you deem.
Thursday, May 06, 2010 Y 4:06 AM
pam's only coming back in dec... sadded...
bt oh wellss...
life still go on...
haix...
ah ma say thai trip has to postpone again..
damn sian.. this time ah boon and family cannot go liao...
suddenly there's a urge to study hard and study well so that i can enjoy my holidays..
there's an urge to go overseas..
urge to go out play everyday...
or even work hard for more cash..
my heart's really messed up now..
i made a decision. i'm really trying hard, but nothing seem to turn out well.
if choosing 1 person only hurt 1 person then not choosing and hurting all 3, i rather hurt only one.
just that the person i hurt is the person i wanna hurt last.
yet making this decision now not only hurt him, i'm not happy too.
even he aint happy..
did i make a mistake? i hope i dint.
most dint see his sincerity, but i saw.
but still, i cant forget the other one.
he's too important in my life. he was and is still is..
i've already said the reason.
wad will be the final outcome?
maybe at the end of the day, i really should learn to forgive and forget.
forgive myself and forget all the past wrongs we've done.
but i know i cant... and i will never be able to.
just like how i've regretted for 5 years for someone whom i know will never come back to me.
can now fill up the gap of everything that has happened the past 8 months?
i'm vexed. will you be there for me? stand by me now? until we meet up the next time?
