this week is a weird week... .
totally no idea why i will feel so dizzy...
mm... maybe not enough food consumption ba,.. been coming to school on the dot.
so much so that i dun have time for lunch..
so its like only one meal a day for 6 days..
mm... ok... had src agm on sat...
started off quite fine...
mm... got posted to src handball..
which is 1st week of oct..
wah... damn near man...
and wads worse is that i'm the only one who knows how to play handball...
damn... ok... so i've already text mr yaw asking him if we can go back pjc to use the court...
hopefully he will allow... (=

and today... after work went to seletar camp to eat buffalo wings...
wah sai.. the place damn super ulu la...
rahhhh!!!!!

mm...
i really hate the feeling i'm facing now..
hate myself too.
i had the happiness in front of me... yet maybe i dint treasure it thats why it left??
such a stupid me... there he is moving on, maybe patching with his ex.. and there i am feeling sad not knowing wad to do...
i really wanted to tell him very much to give me a chance...
really wanted very much to say sorry about the night...
but non of these came out from my mouth...
instead, all i did was avoid him as much as i can.. .but not really successful cos i cant help but texting him at times... or just so coincidence that i have to see him in school...
instead.. i asked him to patch back with her... knowing that i will be really sad, i still said that...
am i stupid or am i stupid???
i know he wun see my blog at all... instead some other pple who really cares alot for me... and hoping to patch back with me will be the one reading my blogs...
but still.. i chose to write in here instead of the private one...
if i ever can pluck my courage out... i really wanna tell you how much you meant to me...
remember the day you spent time with me at pasir ris... riding the bicycle to a few places at pasir ris park...
i left notes behind... just that i refused to let you see them right???
those few places... i wrote out my fears and wad i really hope...

i really miss those times when we were really close...
at least i felt much happier than i am now...
but as long as you're happy... i'll feel happy for you too...

guess my heart's bleeding every min every sec..
but somehow in front of others... i've converted my sadness into laughter...
i hate to do this... but i've got no choice..
i really wanna avoid him as much as i can...
but i dunno why... jsut when i thought i really could do it... i just had to see you in school...
i was shocked... but happy..
but so wad... we aint as close as before...
no matter how much i miss you... no matter how much i'm willing to wait for you...
it will never happen...
i knew it all these while... but yet i stupidly wanna wait...
i asked someone this question before... how to define like, love or infatuation...
they's all just thin line wad...
but at least i know the feelings i had for you...
no matter how much i long to have your love... as long as you're happy, i'm fine and will be happy too...
foolish and stupid..
can i totally avoid you??? until i'm sure that you're just a friend to me???

wad i feared finally came thru...
3 years 1 month and 9 days back... i was hurt the same way...
3 years 1 month and 9 days later... i was hurt again..
everytime when i really love someone, something like this will happen...
haix...
but no matter wad happens, as long as you're happy, i'm fine with anything..
even though i really like you lots, i still hope you and your ex will patch.. .
now that you say you 2 may patch... i'm sad but happy...
you know why sad and happy la...
as for me and you...
since now its tough for you to maintain... i'll back out totally...
since you dunno how to face me.. you wun le... except for pbf lessons... maybe in the near future you wun see me in pbf lects too....
i wun make things hard for you...
as long as i like you, i'll wait for you... but i know the day i'm hoping for wun come le...
let the memories we have be buried...

i'm sad. but there's nothin i can do..
all i wish is that you dun try so hard to avoid me le...
we're supposed to be the closest friends, but now i dun feel it anymore..
remember no matter wad happens, no matter wad others say about us, we're still close friends?
hope the statement still stands..

i'm sorry about that day that changed everything... i regretted alot...
even promised myself that i wun do it again...
but its all too late. nothings gonna be the same again..
i cant put everything down... all i can do is hide my sadness and smile in front of you.
pretend nothing happens and concentrate on studies...
put all my energy into studies, frisbee and src..
so much so that i wun have any more energy to think of you... until when i' really tired, then i'll automatically close my eyes and fall asleep..

nothings gonna be the same ever.
i've gone "crazy".
but pearly's a strong girl.
this is not the first time le... time will heal all wounds ba.

let the time heal everything ba.

mm... ok... yest had a damn pissed night..
came home with a tired mind, went happily to shower cos finally can have a bath..
only to receive a call from my uncle to get scolded..
i was like thinking " huh? wads going on, why uncle scolding me?"
ok... so apprently he doesnt allow nick to stay over..
dunno wad crap la..
i really got no idea wads wrong with cousins staying over at each other's house.
and besides its not as though my house is really far away from his school.
20 mins only lo...
plus... he stay at my house, not to play but to study.
i really dun see wads wrong with that.
is it cos he look down on us, that we're staying in hdb, i'm not studying in local uni and that we're poor thats why?
as compared to them, rich and staying in condo.
WTH.. if thats the case, i rather i dun have such a uncle.. cos if thats the case, the perfect image i have of my uncle is gone. if thats the case, then i finally understand why mummy just dun wanna mix that much with them.. so wad if they are siblings?
haix.

do money matter?
is being rich that impt?
does it mean you can look down on others?

guess the only i can prove that we are not to be looked down is to study hard and score well.
i'm so gonna prove to you that if you look down on us due to us being poor and lower qualification than local uni, i will do wadever i can to bring back the first class honour cert.
and if i can find my own finance now, i dun wanna borrow the loan from you.

had the most exciting cca ever.
went for my first training yesterday.
though i came home with lots of orh chey on my hand and fingers, this training was fruitful. who would ever think that this cca is not fun??
wells.. ultimate frisbee has brought me much fun with my friends and seniors around.
got to know new friends, as said.. and also learnt the correct way of frisbee.
as i throw the first disc, i cant help but think of PJC odac training times, the times we played frisbee..
(=
maybe thats why i joined frisbee? maybe.
its also good to join a sport la.. though i dun have much time to study if thats the case.
at least the times i think of him is lesser.
gooodie.. (=
mm.
guess by now he has left singapore already ba.
i fear alot...
fear that when he returns, he will tell me somewhat similar to wad jo told me when he returned.
i dunno. but i guess i should trust him for now(=
maybe overtime we would really be distant ba.

somehow i failed to avoid you as much as i can..
maybe i dint try hard enough.
maybe i just dint wan to.
found a better pbf lecturer. knowing it will benefit me in my studies, why am i refusing to change?
i'm really scared.
we promised each other that should we not feel anything for each other, we'll tell each other.
mon you wun be here...
somehow, i dunno why, thought of my second..
the day he left me was when he returned from overseas.
so this time i'm really scared.
that you will do the same.
i've been trying hard not to fall hard and deep.
i've been trying to hold myself together.
but dun you feel that we aint treating each other the same anymore?
the laughter, stir shit times have all disappeared.
maybe falling for you was a wrong choice frmo the start. i dunno.
but as long as you're around.. i'm glad.

no matter wad, i'll wait for you.
as long as my heart feels for you.

src interview... i was the 9th person of the batch... which is the last...
so here goes my intro...

Hi i'm pearly, from accounting and finance, year 1
reason why i wanna join src is mainly cos of all of you here. you all have inspired me greatly bla bla bla durin foc and fob..
i have 1 year of prior experience.. i've worked in an events company for 1 year.
strength and weakness...
my strength, i'm outspoken, out-going..
weakness is i get nervous easily and when i'm nervous i tend to speak a little faster..
i have a common strength and weakness... thats being blur...
strength is cos i dun bear grudges... weakness is cos i tend to ask the same question a couple of times..
and for my choices i chose bash and pagent, challenge shield and inter collegiate.

damn... is this how pple intro themselves??? like wth am i talking about.. wad i said was like incompleted of wad i wanted to say...
hhaz...
mmm... ok... then head of projects asked me the first question..

"sorry wads your name again?? "

ok... so my name was that hard to remember... pearly...
mm...ok... so after getting my name... he asked a question...
and then leading to a next question.
i only remembered myself saying..
i think i'm fine to be in any dept as i have the experience..
if were to based by experience, projects will suit me best. but if were to go along my passion, then i will choose sports.
and under sports, i'm fine to be in any of the event. as long as i'm tasked, i'll do my best and put in my best effort.

so yea... here goes my interview...

and btw... after the interview we had to take a pic... which i think i'll look damn awful in it...

i'm stilll trying hard to achieve my 1000th post.
but damn its seems like a long long way more..
kk..
dunno wad got me so emo lately..
even kenneth, dick, jie sheng and hui min also said so...
haix... i really dunno lei...
kenneth was telling me to put both down... but fact is i never picked them up at all..
maybe i did... but i made a cruel decision to forget and give up..
somehow i knew i wun be able to do so. yet i still said it.
haix.. its been like days since i felt that we're distanting...
i dunno if its true?? maybe you're just empowered by your logical side.
and there i am, being silly, missing you always..
damn!! how i wish we aint like that.
thats why pple always say the past is nicer and memorable right?
haix.. i dun like that feeling..
i'm feeling xin ku...and hence the emoness..
i wish i can tell someone abt this... but yet i dun wish anyone who hears this will walk away on me just like how my best friends did...
the feeling suck... it really suck badly...
maybe cos i just miss you too much..
gotta learn to put things down and guard my heart.. if needs be, lock my heart..

Pls do not remove this section.

Designer: bw0kensmile-x
Image Hosting: photobucket.com
Image Hosting: imageshack.us
Image source: deviatart
Tagboard: cbox.ws.com
Music: baidu.com
Cursor: dorischu