past days. haven been good.
lots of things revolving around me..
and alot of happenings..
others may not know..
but my classmates definetely knew wad happened..
mama.
thanks..
thanks for the drink and consoling me..
yup.
thanks for the idea of student counsel.
but i dun need it le.
i've got one act.. =)
hmm..
thansk to all who stay back with me. to be there with me.
thanks alot.
its was the worst day yeat best day i had.
though that thing was really happening, i was glad to have all of you..
sorry if i've shocked you guys.
you guys have not really seen me so agitated before ya?
hahz.
i dint expect myself either..
1st time i ever cried so hardly in skol.
hahz.
yup..
you guys dint see me cry in skol ya?
hahz.
well.. you guys know we all have 2 faces.
yup.
so now you all know my real feelings..
still again..
thanks...
peeps.
i luv all of you..
muackz..
piggy.. thanks too!!
hahz
i'm looking forward to that day..
hahz..
and remember to bring prelim papers..
=)
miss ya.. was glad that you remembered your promise..
hahz.
=)
muackx to my korkor too..
hahz.

*someone once told me "kissing is a way to relieve stress." is it true?
i dunno. but i chose to believe that person.
however. hahaz. i have no one to kiss. so i shall do others to relieve stress
to that person: i knwo you occasionally read my blog.. i wun be updating le.. until prelims or o finish..
anyway thanks for teaching me that logic.
you taught me others to.
i will never forget.
hahz. i dunno wad i can do to prove myself..
but i will silently pray and wish you're fine. and happy.
and rememeber all you've said.
its not proving. but appreciating..
prob its time to say goodbye.
let time heal your wound.. your deep wound.
and to heal mine too.
all the best.

ok .. as requested from chanel.. i shall blog wad happened on fri.. cos she never go..
hm...
fri was in the mrt with tak.. talked to piggy on our way there..
hahz.
missed piggy alot alot..
hazh..
then cos we dunno our directions there..
so piggy tell us where to go..
hahz..
until we reached there..
hazh..
guess who i saw...
TAI GONG!!! wah.. miss tai gong alot man..
one year never see him le..
he can still remember me worh...
tai gong not bad ba..
your tai nue er you still remember
not bad.. hee... okok..
chs and the guest performance tampines secondary school
the first item was chs chinese drama..
the piece is entitled" ru lai fuo de di liu gen shou zhi"
there was a big web on the stage..
=]
its damn nice.. the they said something..
but ya..
the 2 main character, one is the angel and one is the devil..
both represent ru lai..
hazh..
it was the story abt the story of ru lai.. and the story of the 5 fingers..
2nd story. was chs el drama play entitled " just me"
its abt a guy, one himself on the surface, the other is his inner thinking.
its all abt a guy who wants to make his dream come true.
however, being an insecure teenager, he is often bullied..
he faced voices of harsh reality, of pressures faced, of comparison, of divorce.
the play is extremely touching.. wad that guy displayed. is wad most teenage face nowadays.
the way they act is damn good..
besides having actors on stage, there were also actors in the audience.
then next up is tampines sec..entitled "wounded"
omg.. its like so damn good.. the story line revolts around bully...
al abt teenage..
its abt a ordianry skol gal who is guai.. thus getting all kinda awards..
whereas another gal.. who is a paikia got lots of supporters who help her in skol stuffs..
the bad gal is always bullying the ordinary gal..
locking her up and stuffs..
in the end, when the ordinary gal cant take it, she comitted suicide..
then we had 15 min interval..
me and tak went to the toilet.. then at the same time passed ren jie the zpop ticks.
after that called zc.. asking him where he is.. cos wanna pass him letters..
hahz./.
then he was at back stage..
well.. i felt fainty then.. so tak led me there..
couldnt recognise him in the dark..
after passing him letter.. then i left to audi alr..
saw vince and aloy..
but we were like strangers..
hmmm..
sadsad..
ok.. interval's over..
the last performance.. along and funny one..
chs chinese drama piece entitled " dong po qiao duan shan zi an"
hahz..
zc was in it..
damn funny..
hmm..
the start was damn funny..
zc forgot he was supposed to start..
heez..
apparently he heard someone calling him..
hahz..
the story is damn stupid..
i duno how to say..
but ya..
maybe this one i tell you in skol ba..
veyr hard to write them out lei..
hahz..
cos wad i think of is all those stupid actions..
ahz..
or maybe tak will tell you
heezx..
ok.. after that..
me and tak wait for zc and the rest for supper..
wah.. we waited like damn long la..
so we studied while waiting..
those who went..
sngs, zc, siu yat and other pple..
but was disappointed in the end..
zc.. you let me down again..
=(
hmm.. i did something i felt great abt..
despite zc asking me not to bank in the money..
i banked in my 1st 10 bucks.. feel damn shuang... hahz..
=)
ok .. done for the day.. when i'm free.. i will post on zpop.. and all the 200 over photos.. heee...
abit crazy hor... if can i wanna post the songs recorded too.. 30 plus..
hahz..
ok .. thats it for today.. =)

today will be my most sian day...
dun feel like going to the library alone to study..
but no one's free to go study with me..
piggy wanna stay at home study..
everyone seem to wanna study at home..
whywhywhy?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

suddenly felt so lonely

in the little house i'm stuck

yet no one seem to bother

whether i'm alive or dead

thinking back..

the past is much better..

he was always there for her..

and he was always there for me.

now?

i have no one by my side

they have all been illusions.

he left me, and they left me.

wads by me is just my soul, my shadow..

soon. they will leave too.

by then. i just wish to say

i'm sorry. but goodbyez.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today went the the library to study.. felt accomplished.. cos i studied.. hazh
then went to hannah's house with ben, fredric and derrick kors..
hazh.. hmm.. at there took quite a number of fredric.. hazh..
shy boy..
hahz.. *turns gross*
paiseh..
but fredric's cute.. my cute little friend.. but older than me though
hazh
i enjoyed their accompany.. hazh
had alot of fun.. hahz..
though the day wasnt that interesting.
but its a day when i had a gathering outside skol.. hahz..
as in outside family..
hahz..
other than fredric..
but not his fault.. hahz..
he's still part of us..
my crushie.... hahz.. kawaii des...
thanks jie.. for inviting us..
ahzh..
love it alot..
cozy room.. hahz..
wished O level faster over.. then can go out with all my family members..
hazh..
in skol and outside skol..
ahzh
tried maple today.. quite sian lei.. prefer co.. hazh..

hmm.. missing a few pple now..
but cant say..
hahz..
ultimately i can only say. i have one person in mind... hazh..
ahhz..
thats feeling of the day ba.. ahzh

today went the the library to study.. felt accomplished.. cos i studied.. hazh
then went to hannah's house with ben, fredric and derrick kors..
hazh.. hmm.. at there took quite a number of fredric.. hazh..
shy boy..
hahz.. *turns gross*
paiseh..
but fredric's cute.. my cute little friend.. but older than me though
hazh
i enjoyed their accompany.. hazh
had alot of fun.. hahz..
though the day wasnt that interesting.
but its a day when i had a gathering outside skol.. hahz..
as in outside family..
hahz..
other than fredric..
but not his fault.. hahz..
he's still part of us..
my crushie.... hahz.. kawaii des...
thanks jie.. for inviting us..
ahzh..
love it alot..
cozy room.. hahz..
wished O level faster over.. then can go out with all my family members..
hazh..
in skol and outside skol..
ahzh
tried maple today.. quite sian lei.. prefer co.. hazh..

hmm.. missing a few pple now..
but cant say..
hahz..
ultimately i can only say. i have one person in mind... hazh..
ahhz..
thats feeling of the day ba.. ahzh

shall continue..
"today..
ben took my photo to join a contest hosted by courts i think..
the best photos contest..
and i won 2nd prize..
hahz
wads the prize..
oh..
an optical mouse..
hmm..
not bad..
just taht too many mouse at home..
hahz..
so gave that to mum..
the present..
ben pass to me at cck interchange..
hahz
so cool"

wah.. nearly died of heart attack just now.. someone will know wad i mean
hahz
sigh.. next time no more le.. if not will die de...

yay!!! today's a big big day.. fer myself though..
it is a day to celebrate my 6th month b'dae.. 6 months ago the today is my b'dae
thats when i officially turned 16..
whee..
ok.. it crap..
but heck..
hmmm.. kinda sad now..
zc's blog kena spam by dunno who.. called himself whatajoke.
really whatajoke.
the only person who tag there.. siaokia sia
hazh..
not referring siaokia kor..
ahzh..
hmm..
piggy!!!
you ok ma??
always disappear halfway de??? as in sms.. hahz..
too late ah?
sigh..
shant blog details..
miss ya..

jiamin mei...
paiseh lei..
thought uyour b'dae was 14th july..
i'm like so back track for one month
ahhhh..
nvm..
still hope you like that 1st part of the present..
remember dun be upset ya..
read the post cards ya..
wad i wanna say i write down le..
heez..
shall not let others know wad i write..
heez..
hmm...
you sure you receive it happy ma??
better hor..
dun wan my godsista to be sad know??
hahz..
though we're all sad la..
you know wad right??
all the stepping downs and leaving you guys soon..
sigh..
and the family too!!!
you haven tell me who are the notti meis..
hahz..
crapcrap..
but ya..
sad la..
you wun leave the family de right?
hahz..
my zhong1 shi2 ting1 zhong4..
i'm sure you will read this..

next fer wh ba..
nothing to say to you ba.. except "sorry"
know that we cant get along well..
but ya,,, just cant forget you..
i'm not you and you're not me..
so i cant do wad you can..
sorry fer taking up the past 11 months of your time..
sigh..

ferdric kor..
eh..
you good sia..
pang seh me half way..
pro liaox..
go tell jie.. and you die.. hahz..
no la...
eh.. very hard meh?
hmm...
next time if we wanna go out hor, must bring ben along right??
both bens..
then not hard le hor..
you knwo wad i mena..
hazh.. hmph.

denise kor..
korkor.. so how?
confirm ma?
still waiting fer your reply..
ahzh..
sad sad.. dint see you on chma..
even though you called and stuffs.
hahz..
yup.. but glad you still remmebered your mei went.. hahz..
I"M CRAPPING!!! HAHZ

now latest news..
2 down, left 5 to go.
sigh...
hmm...
test this whole entire week..
i'm nearly dead..
now then got time to use com. its fri.
hahz..
hmm..
hey chanel..
my previous blog dun have his name lei..
that person sabotage you la..
hmm..
heck.
anyway.
wad have i done?
cant really remember..
all i know is feng lao shi is back.
heez.. gonna see her tmr.
whee..
hmm..
oh..
so fast step down from dance le..
but i have feelings fer it..
so tue and thur went fer dance to see the juniors.
hahza..
miss mei . gave her her belated part of the present today..
hahz.. mei hope you like the long long letter. and the crystal keychain..
hmm..
the term is gonna be really harsh..
so wun have time to update le..
will try to update as much as i can in skol..
hahz..
anyway... gonna watch chs cldds performance on the 22 july ba..
sadsad..
piggy wun be there.. wh too..
cos they are all going on 21st..
hope denise kor's going on the 22nd july ba..

everythign is more or else over..
hmm..
piano exam today..
poof..
scary man..
the room is esp cold today..
dunno why..
but ya..
its freezxing cold that i cant play properly again..
1st and 3rd piano is like dead..
esp my 3rd piece..
then.. scaled ok except the 3rd and 6th apart..
hmm..
sight reading..
I FORGOT MY DYNAMICS!!!
argh..
then oral..
my examiner is super weird..
hahz..
asked me to stand behind the piano..
the noise is esp loud from there..
thus couldnt hear the song properly..
anyhow sing the base notes.. oh my..
ahz..
sight singing. .
even worst..
its the easiest piece i ever seen..
but wad happened to me???
cant count properly??
argh..
schrewed..
hahz..
last part of oral..
not so bad ba..
at least i said eveyrthing abt 20th century correctly except the part that it is contrapuntual??
darn..
hahz..
forget it..
its over. .
i just hope i get a pass now..
just a pass will do..
dun wanna fail again..
then mummy will " kill" me..
not really kill but disappointed..
i really practiced really really hard..
but then again.. even if i really pass.. i'm not happy..
cant fulfil ms chen's last wish..
sigh..
my half "godma"
learnt fer 3 years of grade 8..
wish is solely a distinction so that i can burn it fer ms chen to see..
but i can never do that cos wad i got is just a piece of paper..
feel guilty... and sad..
she left us fer 3 years le.. yet somehow, i stil feel that she's alive.
probably cant take the facts that she has alr left us fer so long..
anyway... shant say anymore.. tears rolling down..

hmm..
to someone..
why must your reply be so short?
why must you be so cold to me?
is this wad you really wanna give me?
its not wad i want..
but why?
i only wished we were like before..
when we were so closed.. can talk to you as freely as i wan..
but now i cant..
wadever i wanna ask or talk to you..
i gotta think twice..
if i'm not wrong i think you dint go chma..
according to piggy..
but why?
i cant even have a chance to see you..
sometimes admire my friends.. they can see their crush.. even from afar.
but i dun get to.
admire chanel when she can biao bai to someone face to face..
and they're still friends even when she's partially rejected
but i never said that to you face to face and we're alr liddat. .
you rejected me totally, and we're not even friends.. not siblings anymore..
i dunno wad we are.. stranger?
maybe ba.. sigh..
forget it.. nothign could be revert of the past..
its the same when i made up my mind to return the ring to zc..
forget it.. fate ba..
sigh
shant write anymore..
gotta go fer tuition..

today.. is milk run day..
but i dun feel like going.. how???
sigh.. i feel so damn sianx la..
run somemore..
i need to sleep but i cant..
howhow?? ?
wad should i do..
never been so restless before..
i still feel that i've not officially recovered from my old illness..
hahz..
at times i can be fully awake..
but then at times i can be chao sleepy when i dun feel like sleeping. if i really sleep, i will continue sleeping like nobody's business..
haix..
then everything which is real all seem like a dream to me..
which are dreams and which are not?
i myslef dunno.
really tired.. howhwohwo?

feel dejected also..
hmm..
maybe cos dint get any reply from rjc?
i dunno..
but then again..
i dunno...
mummy wan me to go njc now..
but actually i'm aiming fer a better skol..
cos of mep..
but i think get rejected by the 2 skols i applied..
hahz..
...
so far..
1 rejected..
2 test taken..
4 unknown..
out of 4, 1 most likely rejected cos of late submission, yet they accepted cos of my sincerity.
sigh..

went chma today..
but before that..
went to jantzen to do my hair.. not much difference on overall..
but i like it now..
hahz..
hmm..
then chiong home to get my piano stuffs..
cos i forgot to bring the impt stuffs..
in the end wasted half an hour of studio time..
sigh..
hmm..
so played fer half an hour..
wah, the piano there sux like hell ..
no sound produce de..
must use alot of strength..
hahZ..
hmm..
then at 7pm..
started my journey to chs..
cos i wun be able to make it in time, i took a taxi down..
hahz..
everywhere jam like siao..
but ya..
managed to reach in time..
saw alot of cat high friends..
but they all couldnt recognise me.. they must observe a while then know its me..
did i change alot that you guys cant recognise me??
hazh..
hmm.
or is it you guys never see me in that outfit before?
hahz..
anyway i had a great time at chma..
the mc of the day very cute..
hahz
hmm..
there are alot of cute guys there..
but well.. not considering one though..
cos it s all cat high..
ahz..
hm...
the thing ended around 10 plus 11..
hahz..
zc was there performing too..
he got the merit award..
his original composition is entitled mo shen ren.
the song's nice.. esp the bridge..
hmm..
kinda indulged in the songs they sing or performed..
hahz..
hmm..
then after the thing ended..
we met zc..
then took photo with him..
yup.
then zc went to take his bag, then met zw..
wanted to go supper de..
but cos it was too late, so we all dint go, too tired..
then zc walked with us to bishan mrt..
den after we went 7-eleven to get something den go home le..
hmm..
i hope and think i dint make any regrets this time ba..
before going home, i took out the ring on my hand and return to him..
hahz..
piggy was proud that i was able to let go..
hmm..
ya.. letting go..
well.. i know the ring will never return to me again..
even though i love it alot..
but its meaningless liaox..
it will not get back to me anymore. unless one daywe're back together again..
which is impossible..
hahz..
well..
no matter how much it is, it still has to be returned to its original owner..
hahz..
hmmm..
i cant believed i actually asked him where wh is..
argh..
now still cant let go ba..
need more time..
ahzh..
but since i promised piggy i will. i will do it..
piggy thanks..
hmm..
no need to apologise to me taht you couldnt accompany me..
hahz..
you had to accompany your friends..
hahz..
anyway ya!
chinese dance was a hit..
but it was the dangerous dance..
hahz.. my junior's bamboo dropped on a row of dancers' heads..
ouch fer them..
hahz..
anyway piggy.. hope you like the present..
hahz..
anyway back to chma..
i feel damn guilty man..
dint buy flowers fer both ren jie and zc..
haz..
sigh.. nice day though..

jubilate2 has finally come to an end..
it means. sec 4 step down le..
quite sad to step down now..
i mean..
after 4 years of hard work in it.. have some feelins to it..
luv it la act..
hahz..
today's performance wasnt as bad as wad we all thought,..
well...after SYF.
alot of pple slack liaox..
i'm one of them..
hahz/.. but ya..
we still did it..
sad to say.. i brought the wrong fone.. so couldnt take photos..
hahz..
and dint really take much with juniors too..
too busy in helping them with their make up
hahz..
proud of myself too..
its a skol's performance. yet i managed to put my make up myself..
other than the eye shadow and glitter..
whee..
anyway.. i got alot to say..
a lot aot more..
but its midnight le.. iw anna sleep..
veyr tired..
shall continue the next time i come online..
hee..
piggy.. i wanna hug piggy to sleep..
hee..
anyway kor.. thanks alot..
i was really nervous..
thanks fer talking to me on the phone..
coaxing me and trying to help me relax..
thanks alot..
hahz..
gonna give you a new piggy...
dun lost again ya..
hahz..
must promise me..
hahz

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