kimura reiko~ your web master

2011-09-24T13:59:00.002+08:00

been really long since i came in here to blog about my life..
mm... life has been good yet health aint really good..
i have alot to say in life.. but i dun think i'll have the chance..

right now... i think i should concentrate in my studies since i dun wanna fail the same 2 subjects another time..

i'm missing someone... really...

2011-01-04T01:16:00.002+08:00

ok... it took me quite a while to find out how to get back in here... since now blogger is based by google and my email aint a google account...

hais... i'm troubled... guess i shouldnt write in here ba... cos the whole world will be able to see this...

off to study!!!! gotta stop thinking..

2010-08-13T12:40:00.001+08:00

i dint write about wad happened to bash...
bad stuffs man...
i dint go for bash..
scalded myself with oil that very day..
now..
bad scars...
=(
i no longer have a pretty pair of hands..
to the extend i dun even wanna see my own hand..
haix.
why on earth should i get angry that day and cooked???
dumb ass..

2010-08-13T12:33:00.002+08:00

been playing with tumblr that i forgot about my blog...
mmm... life's not bad..
been working, mjing, malaysia, playing...
but more of working..
crazy hours..
still adjusting myself to the weird times.
mm... things changed alot..
sometimes... its like you know some pple are just close to you. but you know things cant go further.
maybe its your own personal restrictions.
maybe its wad you really think of it.
for me.. mx kept saying that there's someone else in my life.. that can make me happy and can bring me happiness.
but i know clearly.. its not gonna happen..
not cos i know... but cos i know i'm not gonna give it a try.
yup. sucks. but too bad.
i wanna patch.. but there's just too many things to consider.
i dun wanna be on and off in a relationship le.
not healthy and confusing.
dunno la..
work first ba..
think earning the money is more impt. need it for school fees... if i can, dun wanna trouble my uncle.
hahaz... (=
life can be complicating. and i guess i made it even more complicated than wad it originally was..
so maybe not bothering about everything will simplify things. (=
thought of a few pple these days.
but yea... sometimes thinking makes you yearn to see that person so much.
but how long was it that i really last saw him? last went out with him? and last talked to him?
haix.
i'm just glad he sent an encouraging sms back then..
lg... its hard to forget you .

2010-07-22T14:57:00.002+08:00

whee!!!! had mj session the past 2 days...

omg...

won money but never take it... lost more money and paid all out...

sadded...

but yea.. i had fun and it was really tiring for overnight mj session..

ahhahz... today's the bash...

i wonder how much fun i'm gonna have today..

hope for the best...

hahaz... bu think about it... its like everything that had happened 1 year ago...

just that this time my og dint meet up often for tau huay and pool and starbucks.. or even steamboat...

hahz...

kinda miss the good old times..

so tonight we're prob gonna reminisce the past a little.. gonna have supper tonight..

which means... no matter wad i gotta stay through out..

so... i should try enjoying myself tonight...

2010-07-19T13:39:00.002+08:00

lots of happy things... unhappy things occurring...
i'm pretty confused at times... yet other times.. i really know wad i want...
WTH???
is it the pms? or PMS?
i'm supposed to be happy in my salvaged relationship.
but somehow... happy but emptiness...
more of i'm starting to wonder.. we're both trying really hard...
but there are times that we really dunno wad to say to each other..
we're like a boring couple. yet not boring.
things i really wanna do, we cant.
things i really wanna get for either myself or for him, i cant.
in the end... i decided to purchase facial tix for mum, him and me... in the end after buying then i realised its only for females..
argh!!!!
fucked up day

2010-07-09T11:08:00.000+08:00

mm... yest had an awesome day with my OG26 freshies..
its like more than expected turned up...
hahahz...
really damn happy...
(=
mm... took quite a bit of pics... the rest is with zhi yun... hahahz...
whee!!! (= will upload mine soon

2010-07-07T09:47:00.002+08:00

been really busy these few days...
dunno wad i have eben doing... but i'm like damn tired whenever i got home...
hmph..
ok...
i'm waiting for teh 10th to come...
hahahz
then 11th-14th got camp!!!!
gosh!!!! its so near my house and i doubt it for even a sec if its that one...
pear's like so kam gong ah!!!!
argh!!! okok...
tried 3 bikinis for the past 2 weeks... but have not decided on which one to get...
first is the price and 2nd is the comfortablity...
sadded...
my contacts too!!!!
i'm like so eager to buy them... but cash on hand aint enough for all the luxury goods...
anyone wanna sponsor me??? =P

2010-07-04T12:48:00.002+08:00

suddenly, my days are like shag shag and more shag...
just finished my 2-day freshman orientation day...
had liek 2 OGs now...
but they aint that enthu... maybe cos they dun really know each otehr...
so 3rd july morning i was supposed to work for my dad, but too shag to get up... in the end... i ps my own father...
=( then at night woke up to go work at settlers...
and here i am today... waiting to go work again...
damn tiring...
mm... yest jannis called to inform that i'm the GM for freshman orientation camp...
erm.... pretty sad..
cos i wanted to be ogl... to have a more bonded OG.
haix...
now i'm considering between malaysia and FOC... which one should i go for?
argh!!!!!

2010-06-30T22:50:00.002+08:00

seriously sucks when your hand smells of garlic and onions for like many days..
its making me wanna puke at the smell of it...
ARGH!!!! chop my hands pls.... still wonder why on earth i agreed to minced the garlic...
hahahhahz... and wash the clams...
mmm... ok.. apparently.. many of them ls last night...and even prob today.
gosh.. =(
but yea...
today went out shopping with bby..
sweet!!!
first shopped for our shoes and we both got wad we wanted..
adidas pink shoes for me.. and classic black converse for bby.
and of course socks.!! (=
then mac... had free hot choco.. yummlicious.
headed down for interview/ DISC report analysis.
then down to vivo for shopping...
hahazh... dint shop much... but i was like tempted to buy this super damn nice bikini.
and aftereight. plus dunno wad drink.
hhahz... settled down at secret receipe for tea time treat...
whee!!!! brownie walnut... when was th last time i ate?
almost exactly 1 year ago with pink surfers.
hahahz..
after that... went down to settlers... dunno for wad... guess it was to find timo and the rest.
ahhaz... ate dinner... watched a little of sex drive. then went to chat with my colleagues.
hahahz.... aisyah cooked fake omelette and timo bought bubbletea back... (=
saw yanming at settlers... talked abit of ahboon's stuff and intro-ed him to bby..
sat down a while.. then left for home cos tmr is FOD day1.
gosh.... have to reach school at 8am!!!!!!!!
someone save me!!! =(
but ok la... actually looking forward to it..
mm..

made a decision today...
by not going for nic's pop on fri...
not that i dun wan...
but feels a lil weird to go with aunty and uncle.. plus.. i got FOD day 2...
feel bad for leaving daniel alone by himself to an OG..
was afraid nic will be upset... but heng... he was ok... (=
ps ah...
i'll make up for you next time... more treats!!! (=
yup... guess its gonna be bed time soon...
nites pple

2010-06-29T20:24:00.002+08:00

ok... at settlers now... supposedly came down to have dinner.. .
but in the end, we had to help out in the kitchen with the minced garlic, sliced onions and even scrubbing of clams...
like WTH!!!!!
mmm.... oh wells...
good luck peeps for allthe runnign of toilet trips!!!! (=

2010-06-29T11:36:00.002+08:00

i'm like loving everyday i have now..
its like a dream come true... but i really wonder how long we can last...
i'm scared of the future... but gotta brave thru it..
oh wells... most importantly is wads happening now. (=

had a terrible nightmare about some competition between my cousin and i..
and OMG!!! we had a quarrel cos of his gf...
mm.... does my dream states that i hate her that much???
mmm... but come to think of it... she wasnt that bad when i first know her lei..
but all of a sudden. i'm just hating her cos she's that materialistic..
argh... oh wells... my dear cousin's choice...
and yea!!! (=

i realised how bad i am at cookign...
like seriously gotta learn how to cook...
then can cook for bby to eat next time.
besides the bee hoon that i can cook..
heex (=

mm.... i've yet to finish my "how i met your mother". GOSH... can i have more time for it? hahaz... if only i can have like 48hrs per day..
hex (=
ok.. gotta rush to meet bby.... he's at school... and i'm still here blogging!!!!!

2010-06-28T11:25:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling really happy now...

though things can still be better, its already good for me (=

blissedly happy with my dearest...

maybe cos i really fought hard ba...

timo was telling me abt the fight and flea story...

but i got no idea when i started fleaing first before fighting hard...

hahaz..

2010-06-23T23:52:00.002+08:00

mm... things are really getting better... (=

whee!!!! (=

dear kinda like gave up work to come my work place and wait for me...

though i dint really wanted that... wanted him to work...

but apparently... lotsa things happened at his side...

mmm...

well to some pple, giving time= not seeing each other...

but yea...

its our resolve.. i did wanted not to meet him to let him sort everything thru.. .

but we ended up agreeing that meeting and being tgt unofficially might helped him with his phobia of everything that had happened.. he wanna chase it away while "being tgt"

so why not??? i'll give him time to overcome his fear and give him time to really love me once again..

at least... i'm a much happier person now..

and i'm seeing his smiles more than the past 2 months... really really happy for that...

hahhaz... (=

there are many things he aint obliged to do... cos he dun wanan see it as a rule and regulation...

and i'm not forcing him with many things anymore... just wan to work things out slowly... (=

but sometimes he still feels that he wanna do it... (=

and it really melts my heart...

esp when he knows wad kinda person i really are just being seeing all my past few years of photos...

really grateful for that...

love come what may.. i really wanna learn to love properly this time... (=

toutoudebenben.

happy as she can be.

benbendetoutou.

as happy as she is?

2010-06-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

i'm happy for you called me dear finally...
heex(= kinda been waiting for a long long long time le..
i like how we are not... but there's still uncertainty...
but rest assure... i'll give you time...
but in how we are now yea???
love you bby .

2010-06-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

even though i'm sick now...
i'm a happy gal... cos even though the main prob still exists, as long as we cast it aside, we're a happy couple..
i'm so in love with him... and i'm glad i held on... (=
miss bby... but i cant... cos he's working.. should be more mature yea?
i'm just waiting for him to end work for the day... and tmr we can be tgt for the whole day.
whee!!!! (=
i'm so looking forward to our date tmr..

but casting all these aside, our prob still exist... cant pretend it dint.. .
i wanan try work things out...
i hope for a miracle for this prob to resolve and disappear...

2010-06-20T02:30:00.002+08:00

firstly... i guess its father's day...
been long since i last celebrated it..

i've made a huge decision today...
i know i'll regret it...
but i've got no choice..
i'm sorry my dearest..
after talking to him, i've decided that we really shouldnt contact for 1 week cept tue for meeting and fri for school.
no matter i text him or call him... it should be firm that we dun contact...
for this... i'll remember and not flare at him..
i know he doesnt wan that..
but i think its really time to know wad feelings he really have, else we'll suffer... my tears and his frown..
i wanan see his smile again..
i wanna see his sparkling eyes again..
now his eyes just look too tired for anyhting...
i dun wan that..
and also... with my absence, hopefully it'll make our hearts fonder, and less pressure and stresss to him..
not that i wan that... guess the last person who ever approved of this is me ba...
but still... we all have to go through this shit to resolve the current prob ba... if we really wanna be happy tgt without this thing happening..
its like now even if we're happy, the main prob is still around..
only when the prob is solved, then only can we be really happy tgt...
thats wad i feel...
i wanan start things anew... not from where we stopped... but really fresh from the start..
i wanan learn to trust you all over again so that the promise you made to me can be thrown aside..
but if i'm learning... you gotta give me a chance to prove myself to you that i can do it..
i'm already grasping it..
i've already learnt not to flare when you dun wanna pass me your fone..
i've learnt not to be so kpo when you sms others... though i really wanan know who, but i've thought through it that if its meant for me to know, you wun hide from me..
i'm learning hard... though i'm slow..
i know you're upset with me now.. for my decision..
you dun wan me to let you go, thats why you called me...
i dun wanan let you go too... it pains me..
so the best way is to really chill out for a week..
its a risk... if things turn out fine... then i'm lucky and i'll treasure everyhting from then onwads...
if not then i'm just suay that we cant be tgt anymore..
but nevertheless.. i love you... and i'll be waiting..
i dun wanan pressure you le... this time round... i'll leave the thinking and sorting to you...
dun wanan add on any burden le..
i jsut wanan be a better person for you too...
its not you're not good for me... but whether we accept each other's flaw and love each other for our flaws...
i'm not perfect... best eg is that being myself makes you persurrise and stress..
i'll change myself for you...
even if we cant be tgt after this week... my heart will only have you... this i'm certain..
meanwhile... dun stretch yourself too much... i'll be xin tong...

gues si'll go to work so that i wun think of you too much...
the fastest time to pass time now is to numb myself with work... since there's no studies to deal with now.

2010-06-19T13:57:00.003+08:00

had a long chat with jun qin this morning...
thanks bro...
its like i know you snice i was sec 3, and you're always there to help me...
hahaz... best thing is i never had to really tell you wad happened to me...
u just knew it.. (=
even though we long long time never meet le... i still feel that i'm really lucky to have you as a friend.
and in life... just when i thoguht i'm jsut all alone by myself...
i realised i have a few friends that's really my friend and stood by me...
isaiah, junqin, pam..
they say you just need 1 person to believe in you... but i've got 3..
some claimed to be my friend, but chose not to contact or reply me... how true a friend are they???
not pointing at boon ah... thoguh you're also like that to me now.

talking abt boon...
you aint replying my msn... u ok ma???
see a doctor if you're still not well k???

like everyone says, life still goes on... the world is still moving..
therefore you gotta move too..
i'm moving... rather slowly..
i still wanan try my best...
but its like not working at all..
its like i'm making him feel loved yet confusing his love.
WTH am i doing?
why am i confusing him that much?
overdoing isnt something good right... but i cant help but wanna be there for him...
its like i know he went for blood donation today...
i actualy had the thought of buying pig liver for him to eat...
argh!!!!
why am i so in love wiht him?
he asked me that too...
i really got no idea why....
why am i just so silly to wanna do anything for him???

2010-06-19T02:29:00.002+08:00

i'm really happy today..
he gave me a surprised when he said he was gonna work today..
its like his name wasnt there and i really wasnt expecting him to be there... (=
felt really happy when he hugged me too...
i knew he was tempted to give me a kiss..
but thankfully he dint... if not its just gonna make himself even more confused..
(= really enjoyed working with pple i used to hate working.. .
wun hide it..
i really hated working with rangs and yw last time..
but now... actually its really enjoyable... (=
maybe cos now i've opened my heart towards yw... i see another side of her..
(= and of course him...
hahaz.. spent alot of time in the kitchen so that i can be with him...
such stupid excuse... O.o but yea... jsut wanted to spend more time with him happily..
and i really managed to do that today.. (=
he said i really treat him differently now..
i hope its for the better..
i swear, that if its ever possible, i wanna treat you that nice from now on...
i wanna make up for wad i dint do b4..
it doesnt matter if now i'm the giver... i'm still happy doing things for you.
or rather i've never been that happy doing things for you b4.. (=
it doesnt matter if i'm the giver or receiver... matters most is that you're happy ...
cos when you're happy, i'll be happy . (=
and silly boy... pls rest more... your body is really feeling tired la...

2010-06-17T16:27:00.002+08:00

i'm learning things slowly.
slowly learning the meaning of putting down.
but it doesnt mean i no longer love him.
he really means alot to me..
but love cant be forced and i have to respect his decision in the end.
i'm jsut glad he's still concern for me...
i'm glad that he still thinks of me.
he have feelings. but he's not sure of his feelings for me..
at least he still have..
but i shouldnt pin my hopes too high isnt it?
i'll learn to let go eventually if he doesnt wan me anymore..
if time heals all wounds, how long will i need?
if it takes twice the effort to heal all wounds... i will prob need 16 months then..
but at the same time... i know there are friends out there who are concern for me yet fear to talk to me abt this..
isaiah told me abt it..
isaiah told me that my og is more than willing to walk me thru this..
it gave me alot of strength.. not to cry anymore..
but i still dun dare to approach them, cos i was the one who abandon them once.. and now things happen, i dunno how i should be finding them...
i've always wanted to be independent..
but he made me really dependent on him...
now its time to relearn my independency.

2010-06-17T01:02:00.001+08:00

benben miss toutou..
but toutou cant promise anything..
sad but cant be sad.

2010-06-16T14:08:00.002+08:00

why he return if i find the correct purpose in life??
it may not be..
without me he'll still life well..
but with me... it just makes matter worse..
even though how hard i try, i'm still not given a chance..
wads life for me???
i really wan to try... but i fear alot...
now being taught again by a nice friend who's standing by me and not looking down on me..

2010-06-16T01:29:00.002+08:00

i miss toutou..
was quite sad when he said he's going back malaysia on thurs.
but think abt it... it might be a good choice..
cos he wun be able to receive my sms even if i did so..
so he can rest for a day without needing to think abt our stuffs
i've been stretching him alot..
i know.. i wanna try to loosen the pressure and burden..
i really hope when one day he got his feelings back. he will surprise me just like how he first surprised me ..
i'm sure he remembered how he did it..
i really hope the day will come..
i'm still opening my door everyday... hoping to see a miracle.

2010-06-15T23:34:00.003+08:00

i went out with him today...
cried a few times... even though i really dint wan to.
but i still did..
held his arms like normal.. felt priviledge that only i could do that..
but i still mistaken it as he might have agreed to being my 1 day bf..
wanted to take neoprint.
but in the end.. dint..
in 1 day... there's happy and sad moments..
but wad made me happy is that its the first time i really have a date in the poor manner but in a rich place..
felt happy deep down..
cos i'm out with the guy i love most.. even if we aint holding hands... its him i'm out with..
we're like normal... just that we aint the same as b4

i jsut wish the me now is with the him then... then we'll be the happiest couple.. even if the world hates the both of us tgt.

2010-06-15T14:12:00.000+08:00

you wan me to let go...
i cant.. but i'll try...
goodbye my love.

2010-06-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

i went all out to chase back my love.

i realised that since i lvoed him so much, why not try once more with all i can, hoping to get the chance to amend things.

i knew he dint eat the whole night after wad happened at work. so wanted to start from there, cooked a meal for him. so since i was gonna cook for him, might as well cook for mum to bring to work.

i touched him with the food. patched back. but in the end, we still had to break. cos he couldnt decide wad kinda feelings he really had for me.he said he thought he loved me when i was at his house, but after his talk with his mum, he needed to find out wad exactly he was feeling. and if he really love me, he'll chase me back with all he can..

i love him... he's my last stop in life. he's the last guy i'm gonna love. no matter wad, i'll stil love him with all i've got. even if he no longer loves me, my love for him will never die. i knew this time wad i want. i was never this clear before.

or rather when we first got tgt, i already knew he was my mr right. just that i used a wrong approach towards my love for him for 8 months. i'm the cause for everything that happened today. my mum scolded him, saying he's a failure as my bf cos he dun understnad me. but you guys know wad??? i'm the ultimate failure. cos i cant chase the man i really love back. there's nothing i can do to make him come back.

if you ask me again, if you're really worth my love. my answer will be yes.. used to be maybe, now yes and in future will even more be yes.

my goal in life is to have a simple family, a loving husband and 2 lovely kids. i want my husband to be ANG MINXIANG. no one else but him. i'd rather stay single the rest of my life if i cant get my mr right at all. and i know you're my mr right. right from the start.

it may not be fair? its never fair... was i ever fair to you in our past 8 months? no... yet you still loved me that deeply. you dint leave for other demonic fox when you know they liked you and chased you. you did alot for me even though it always made me angry... but deep down i know, you did so much cos you really care for me. and for that i was glad...

even for the past few days when everything was really tensed... i knew you still loved me cos you could still feel jealous when i went out with brian. i know you still love me de. jsut that now i really dunno why all these are surfacing..

i always though the prob was with you and other female friends of yours, and your social circle. but only now i know the reason aint that but your feelings for me.

i'm really a failure.

but this time, i'll wait for you. i maybe silly to stare at my phone the entire day just to receive your sms. i maybe silly to be really listless for work cos i only wanna wait for you sms. just a short sms saying you miss me really can liven up my day. i just wan you to know, i love you too deeply le. and you're my last stop in my life.

just hope you can be clear of your feelings soon. and if you still love me, then i guess, i'll be the happiest person on earth ba.

benbendetoutou? you still remembered wad it meant right when you gave yourself this name for your tumblr???

for me, my name should be toutoudebenben.. always it will be.

2010-06-12T15:54:00.001+08:00

i guess there's nothing in this world that will make believe that there is true love.

love only makes one sink deeper and deeper. love makes one suffer. love will only make one crazy or wad his/her other is doing. love will only eventually drive 2 person apart even if they loved each other.

love is something that one should never mention.love is something that should never be trusted. love is nothing but hatred.

the more you love someone, the more u should hate someone. love never turns things good. love is when someone else ask you to buck up and live life better but you just cant. love is when someone ask you to love yourself better but u know you cant.

love is a prove of all dying pple's wish. they just wished they get to love the pple they really love most.

love is nothing but a pack of lies. a big pack of lie.

love is nothing but the biggest demon in human's heart. love is soemthing that should never happen from the start.

love is the biggest sing that god created, the biggest lie that adam and eve brough upon.

when someone tells you he loves you, dun ever believe. cos that's when the trap begins.

when someone tells you he has got nothing to do with other gals, never believe him. even if he say they're all his friends. friends never flirt with one another nor try gaining attention from. friends never hold each other's arm like they're attracted to.

when someone coax you saying he loves you or how much he really loves you, ditch him..

when soemone tells you your mood affects him cos he loves you, slap him. cos if he did not do anything to make you feel jealous, there's no way your mood will change and hence affect him.

when someone tells you he loves you and wad you did successfully made him jealous, laugh at him. cos he did not treasure you and made you jealous in the first place.

if a guy ever ask you to patch with him on the 10th at 10:10, but chose to chicken out under your block and only tell you he dun dare chase you back or he's afarid to chase you back, slap him.

if a guy tells you that he wanna be friends again just for you to understand him better in his social circle. seriously reconsider your relationship. cos he could have done so from the start of 8 months ago but he chose to only do this to you 8 months later. if his excuse was 8 months ago its just u and me.. and my eyes are only you, and wad you know me is just me when i'm with you, pls slap him.cos if he really wanted to last long with you. he should learn to maintain his relationship with you, yet make you understand him in his social circle 8 months ago.

if a guy rebutts you on the amount of sacrifice u made for him as compared to his for you, pls just stop talking to him. wad makes a guy think that a gal doesnt sacrifice everything for the guy she love?

if a guy tells you that he still chose to be with you, and chose to forgo his friends bdae party just for you, pls ask yourself why you still wanna be with him. he said his friends dun like you and never wanted him to patch with you, then pls ask him why he chose not to heed his friends advice in the first place but only now.

if a guy tells you that he loves you but he cant chase you back now, all he wants is to be friends with you, then your choice of telling him its either black or white is right. there's no grey patches in a relationship. cos a grey patch from the start led to wad it is now.so by him telling you that he cant chase you back only meant that he has chosen to give you up.

so you have all the right in the world to hate him, treat him like a stranger.

the biggest mistake a guy ever made in a relationship is to make a gal upset over other gals. be it whether you are just pure friends or not. cos ultimately they're still gals.

if all we ever do is just use other gals or guys to make each other jealous just to know how much they mean to us, then why must all these happen from the start?

if a guy really love a gal and never wanting her to be upset, by always saying that he never wanted to make her upset, he will never have been able to do so if he made her even more upset when he said that, only to tell her in their final conversation that he cannot patch with her, or cannot be tgt..

2010-06-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

so thats how we really end?
thanks for hurting me once again

2010-06-10T18:26:00.002+08:00

i hate pple to chicken out...
its like you're jsut under my block, you wanna bring me out, yet when you're here, you cant bring yourself to come up and face me.
WTF is that??
if you had not done anything wrong, why is it that you say you cant face me??? isnt it obvious that you had done something wrong to me?
and wad you say in the end? you wanna be alone..
so your concept of happy 10th is to give me hope that you really wanna bring me out for a nice dinner or anything i wanna do, and chicken out in the end, saying you need to be alone??
fine...
i dun need you at all...
since you choose to be alone... pls dun come find me anymore... i dun need such a person in my life... and on this "HAPPY 10th"
tell me... how happy can this be??
once again you gave me hope and dashed it..

2010-06-10T09:42:00.002+08:00

if love is all about suffering and getting hurt like never before.
then i'm in love.
but if love is all about being in pain,
then i rather not be in love.
why try so hard when we all know the outcome?

2010-06-06T05:53:00.002+08:00

how long can you last loving me when i'm treating you this way?
how long can you last loving me when there's someone interested in you, and you may be interested in her in return?
i really wanna know wads your level of tolerance.
but i guess its only a matter of time that you will give me up.
dun ask me why i treat you this way...
i also wanna know why..
maybe its out of jealousy ba.
maybe its cos i totally lost trust in you.
i dunno.. i wanna know why.
if you still chose me in the end, i wanna know why too..
cos i'm not the best gal in the world.
in fact, i dun even think i'm worth your effort in trying to patch things up.

2010-05-31T17:32:00.001+08:00

they all left...
i still thought i might still have a shoulder to lend on..
but boon ps me for his other appointments..
its all over ba...

2010-05-30T12:53:00.002+08:00

so thats how we ended?
it ended up with me at fault when you started the mess?
ended up with me tearing.
guess this is the clean break that you wanted ba?

my life was extended by you on the 18th april. but now, my heart's dead.
30th may 2011 will be its death anni.
you said u compared you with the standard brian left me on guys.
i dint.
u said the relationship is a 3 split road. i've already confessed to you so from the start. i tried my best to forget him. i tried not to contact him. wad more you wan?
u said relationship is a direct one. look at who's the one keeping the most things to himself.
u want me to put myself in my suitor's shoes, then have you put yoruself in my shoes?
i happily got attached to you w/o thinking of brian. ended up breaking up with you in tears, cos there's a brian.
you're the one who constantly reminded me of him.
and wad?
there's insecurities too.
u confessed to yiwei when you're chasing me back. u're the one who made me insecure of our relationship from the start. u started the mess. now u let me see you going up on a cab with another gal. and i'm not suppposed to think that there's soemthing on going between you 2?
who's the one who made me who i am today?
who's the one who agreed that he will not talk or look at other gals?
but wad happened in the end, all have been broken. u not even talk or look, u SHARED a cab with anotehr gal.
and you're not responding cos to you, there's nothing to it?
breaking up with be a better choice afterall.
*leaves in tears*

2010-05-30T04:33:00.001+08:00

is this really wad you wan from our relationship?
u werent even sincere about it.
u knew i was upset with you, yet you dint even pacify me.
all you did was to try on the new belt i got for you.
and wad happens at night?
u said something happened to your aunt you need to visit her..
meeting your mum and you're taking an mrt down..
the last train wasnt gone when i saw you, but wad did i see?
u went up on a cab with another gal.
this is how true you are to me?
how you dint wanna destroy our relationship?
in fact you're destroyed it totally.
how you expect me to believe you when this is wad i saw?
dun expect me to trust you cos its not the first time.
u express feelings to a gal when you're with me and still dare say there's only me in your heart.
wtf...
and wad now?
u're off on a cab with another gal...
i dunno how i can handle but i'll definetely handle it well..
its my first relationship that i got cheated twice by the same guy which i chose to believe and love over my ex who loved me so much... and this is wad i get.
dun expect me to forgive you when all you did was to keep silent..
silence means consent..
and since you've consented to wad you do... there's nothing more i can say..
i hate it when you give me that professional smile look, you knew i hate it yet you showed me that..
i'm not your customer... get that right..
u knew i'm not happy with you, if you think i had wronged you, u should have argued back. but u dint... wad does this mean? i dint wrong u at all..
u know, i really hoped u argued with me and quarrelled with me. when i hoped that you were there, u weren't.
as much as i hoped u would come find me still even though i dint wanna go work with you, u dint appear..
as much as i dint wanna talk to you, u dint even try talking to me.. all u did was to sleep.
as much as i hoped u would find a way to cancel your work to pacify me and go out with me as promised, u dint..
as much as i hoped u concerned for me like before, u dint...
all you gave was that stupid idiotic professional smile and silence.
dun tell me u're true to me cos i wun believe anymore..
words means nothing, so does writing on cards and tissue...
actions speaks louder than words..
there is a time limit for wad i can handle before i let go totally.
if u think u still wanna be my knight, than u better play smart.
do as you deem.

2010-05-11T01:34:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so stressed from pbf!!!!!
argh!!!!
i cant remember all my facts...

2010-05-06T04:06:00.002+08:00

pam's only coming back in dec... sadded...
bt oh wellss...
life still go on...
haix...
ah ma say thai trip has to postpone again..
damn sian.. this time ah boon and family cannot go liao...
suddenly there's a urge to study hard and study well so that i can enjoy my holidays..
there's an urge to go overseas..
urge to go out play everyday...
or even work hard for more cash..

my heart's really messed up now..
i made a decision. i'm really trying hard, but nothing seem to turn out well.
if choosing 1 person only hurt 1 person then not choosing and hurting all 3, i rather hurt only one.
just that the person i hurt is the person i wanna hurt last.
yet making this decision now not only hurt him, i'm not happy too.
even he aint happy..
did i make a mistake? i hope i dint.
most dint see his sincerity, but i saw.
but still, i cant forget the other one.
he's too important in my life. he was and is still is..
i've already said the reason.
wad will be the final outcome?
maybe at the end of the day, i really should learn to forgive and forget.
forgive myself and forget all the past wrongs we've done.
but i know i cant... and i will never be able to.
just like how i've regretted for 5 years for someone whom i know will never come back to me.
can now fill up the gap of everything that has happened the past 8 months?

i'm vexed. will you be there for me? stand by me now? until we meet up the next time?

2010-04-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

long time since i blogged here..
mm... tumblr really very easy to use...
hahhz...
mm... ok... was down at settlers studing and playing bridge again..
heex... only diff is that yest i thought of neth and today he came down to find timo...
whoots...
like that also can see him.. .hahahz...
mm... studied econs a little while and felt super demoralised studying it...
haix...
tmr gonna bring my SG to school liao...

2010-04-26T12:11:00.002+08:00

whoa... i'm using tumblr now..
cos tumblr can link to fb directly..
ahhahz... (=
anyways... like wad GC said.. he's a mj addict... i think i am too...
hahaz... been playing...
mm... study study study!!!!
hahaz.... but i'm in love with POA too...

2010-04-20T12:05:00.003+08:00

mm.... i'm not sure if this is the correct way to do...
but since i've done it... shall cherish everything ba...
mm....

pammy!!!
thanks (= mmm.... i cant wait for you to come back... with the rest... to have the next gathering.. (=
mr smith i s not replying my sms... so i'm not exactly sure if he received or not...
hahaz...

mm...ok...
i'm left with not many days to exams...
jia you!!! (=
to everyone who's in the same boat as me... jia you also ba...
i better buck up on my maths and stats since i've made the wager with sze han...
(= 91 and above... here i come... (=

2010-04-18T13:01:00.003+08:00

cherishing the moment now...
it may be the last few times i hug you or smile at you...
wadever you promised me, dun break it yea??? (=
life is at the down turn now..
its too steep to ever pull back up..
been unhappy with things that's happening around work...
kept mum abt it...
until yest i really cannot tahan...
said everything out.. and left the place...
timo said its time to take a break... until everything's ok...
so.. next week is my last week...
my 2nd home is crushed...
time to look for a new one... (=

2010-04-17T13:55:00.002+08:00

whoot... yest initially no mood to work... but yea.. in order to prove that i dun bring my emotions to work, i've decided to work... even though i was given an option...
ahahz... ok... glad that i worked ba...
was pretty funn how julian ask such weird question...
(=
but dude, you're really funny.
mmm... ok.. guo chuan and yuhua came too...
cos smsed tham abt mj-ing.. (=
guo chuan damn onz la..
cool cool.. play with him also not so stress...
but yuhua cant play... so yea.. in the end timo stayed to play...
mm... but nice yuhua bought curry rice for timo...
and curry rice brought timo luck...
eastern wind, he diao for damn long...
hahz... was really stressed... gave a little temper...
psps... we played for like 3hours plus near 4 just for 1 round.... imagine how long it is...
hahaz...
mm... ok... so nice guo chuan sent us home...
and nice timo ask me to give him add so that he can check gps and let me sleep... (=
thanks guys... but yea... guo chuan made a huge round... in the end dint know where we were... heng ah... i remmebered that road... (=
mm...ok... left for home...
not wanting to sms him whether i've reached home or not...
then Q&A a little... and then dunno wad ahppened, stopped...
mm... then was also smsing baobei...
mmmm.... yea.. i was study mj tiles... hahahz... but i got study la... 2 pages considered right??
mm... will buck up anyway...
gromps...
fb seems so boring now... also dunno wad to do with it...
haix.. need to find a better entertainment...
(=
playing i should start exercising...
time to train up le....
wheez....
2 and a half days left...

2010-04-16T14:53:00.003+08:00

whoa... looks like long time no one has disturbed my tag board...
name: you're welcome yea?? (= say for all you like...
cos i dun really give a damn..
and you think you really know me?
hahaz...

mm....
caught up with my naruto and bleach...
only to get scolded by mum...
cos i haven been studying...
first question she asked...
when's your exam...
argh!!!!
a few days times??
heex...
okok... its time to buck up seriously...
get all the crap outta my head.. and install a device to absorb notes in teh shortest period of time...
hahahz... (=

anyway... i'm so glad exam's nearer... means during that period of time, i got a few options of where to stay except home!!!! (=

hahahz... juvenile delinquent...
hahahz.. whee!!!! (=

2010-04-16T13:49:00.002+08:00

VIVIAN!!!!
your life time bubbletea is on me!!!! (=

2010-04-16T13:34:00.003+08:00

woah... so i've seen someone did something to their tweeter..
hahaz...
seriosuly... many coincidence put tgt wll make pple misunderstand deeper..
from a certain pov... you're like the 3rd party in this r/s..
but then again... i cant blame you cos he's the one who made all these happen, and cos i dun tolerate nonsence, he's gonna be out of my life..
partially cos of you...
i can only say you're good at distorting facts. wanting to come help but cos of wad you said cause greater probs..
now... its finally over...
he's given up...
i'm glad...
guess now.. its time to buck up on studies...
last few days... can i make it???
guess even if i cant... i have to do my best...
my mood hasnt been good...
dun agitate me...
whoever you are... or else you wun have anything good in return..
cos karma exist..

I knew I shouldn't have tried trusting ui

2010-04-11T14:31:00.001+08:00

i thought maybe there was a chance to trsut you again..
asked for your fone..
only to find out that you deleted their smses...
if you aint hiding something from me... why would you delete their smses, being afraid that one day i might ask to see???
doesnt it show that you're being guilty of something?
anyway... you asked me if i was angry with you..
search your heart and put yourself in my shoes...
will you be angry if i did that??
confessing to someone and then saying it was infatuation...
but ultimately deleted all your smses with her...
f la...
i really thought i could at least trust you again..
and once again, you disappointed me..
but then it proved to me something...
that you aint sincere abt me at all..
whereas, spending the time with boon really made me much happier...
somehow reminds me of the past..
maybe at the end of the day, he's the guy for me...
i knew i could trust him and cast myself to him..
cos no matter wad happened, he's there for me..
he leartn from his mistake and that made me touched....
he dint say it, but he proved to me..
finally i slept on his shoulders on the way home...
and i teared.. w/o him noticing...
i felt that there's still someone by me... besides you hurting me once and again...
thanks boon...

baobei... not that you aint by me... but its just a diff feeling...
a feeling where you can see and cannot talk, can only sms de... feels really diff from someone who really knows me inside out.. and who doesnt mind my monsterous and murderous attacks...
not that i'm a monster... but i'm the meanest person to him in my and his life...
maybe thats why after so long, there's still the chemistry...

if there's ever a chance, i really wanna ask if we can start all over again..
i'm still the wild gal you know... but the wild gal has too many setbacks that she wanna be tamed down... =(

2010-04-10T10:35:00.003+08:00

next post it to you...
you know who i'm talking to...
not that i choose to hurt you..
but think before you wanna rebutt..
were you the one who hurt me first? and now i'm here to bite you back?
were you the one who abandoned me not once, not twice but a few times??
i'll be honest with you here..
that night when you left, i cried my way home..
that night when we broke.. i made a vow to god..
i'll tell you wads the vow later.. but all these aint valid anymore..
cos you've broken my heart totally..
i know there are some things you've been hiding from me...
sensed it since you changed your phone..
my senses aint hardly wrong...
for me to sense this so greatly... i wun wanna guess...
but now... cos of you. you've caused me to lose someone i care for as well..
everything has a price to pay... it applies to both you and me..

wanna know the vow?
i made a vow that if you can win my heart all over again...
i'll love you with my heart and soul..
cos i know who i love from the start.. jsut that over and over again you disappointed me..
i'm not afraid to let brian see this.. cos i know he accepts me for who i am..
he will understand everything that has happened..

as for you... if you wanna ask why i dint think of how you feel...
it was wrong to even begin with you when i haven sorted out my feelings...
i'm really sorry abt that..
when we were tgt... i really thought you're the guy i can be faithful to just like how i was with my first...
until the 1st month... thats when things became compicated...
from a 3 person to a multiple pple...
in between there are many other things... but over and over again... you've hurt me... how much tissues i've wasted cosof crying???
is this really love?
is love that painful that it makes pple cry throughout the relationship?
there are things i can tolerate...
there's a limit to it...
as much as i really wanna tolerate, you've crossed the line..
and i know you wanna know wad that line is..
i wan a relationship that is truthful... as much as i haven been, you haven been truthful..
i wan a relationship that is clean... as much as it was, it wasnt..
i hope my guy will love me, yes it is..
but you aint as faithful as i thought of you to be...
thats the fatal point of our relationship... i haven been faithful and you too..
i think of brian, thought i can get over... but i dint..
and i end of caring for someone else cept you...
you on the other hand aint giving me securities...
you know, in school beside my og mates and your og mates, i haven mixed with my friends anymore cos of you...
and you on the other hand has so many other gal- friends to say hi to...
there's a jealousy in me... wad i dint say out..
but wad happens when you got too engross chatting with them... you end up not knowing my existence when i wanted to show you something..
you've got too many lady friends that i never known which gal you might had feelings for...

i know you were outside my house..
i know you wrote me something.. but you know wad...
i refuse to open my door for you..
and next thing i know... you've left..

2010-04-10T10:23:00.002+08:00

i've messed things up...
i've hurt someone really impt to me..
i've caused her to cry...
i'm sorry...
i thought that would be a better choice for all of us, esp you..
thought by doing so, i'll not make you suffer all the shit..
but i guess i'm wrong..
dun become another person... i really dint mean for that...
i dint make use of you... not at all..
but through you... i finally know wads love..
love is something that should never be trusted..
even if someone tells you he/ she loves you... deep down there's a percentage of lie..
i've finally understood it.. and now there's a price for understanding it..
i'm paying for the price.. to free you. to free him and to free her altogether..
is it wrong?
maybe it is... but its my way of apologising to all for messing up all your lives cos i've messed up mine..
now that the path is clear..
i should return to where i orginally belong..
i belonged to none of you... but i do care of how you feel..
i belonged to someone you all dunno, cept for him...
rightfully belonged to him...
and since now i've patched with him... its time to move on... and be free from my mess...
i'm sorry..
esp to you..
dun wan you to cry anymore...

2010-04-07T14:32:00.002+08:00

some things have been quite crazy these few days...
r/s issues...
hahaz... wonder why a guy can be jealous of another gal...
haix...
ohwells.. i made baobei kinda angry yest... but thankfully she's fine after venting her anger out... (=
mmm... and yea.. had superb steamboat with settlers peeps at chong qing... (= craved for so damn long... finally get to eat... whee!!!! after eveyone left, mx and i went for desserts... whoots... so godly... if got chance must bring my mummy go there eat the sesame paste.... heex...

today supposed to go for pbf... but no mood to go... so decided to laze longer on my bed...
miss my bed so much... even though i sleep on it almost everynight.. (= but yea... going out soon le... (= feel like going to arcade lei... should i???

mm... the day before... wanted to go out with mx to settlers... but my house had a warps.. oooo...
when i saw it, i ran to the kitchen to hide immediately...
lucky mx came and chase it out of my house, without hurting anyone... (=

mmm.... dunno wad to do or react... but thankfully things between me and baobei is cleared.... (=

2010-03-26T22:45:00.003+08:00

ok... finally out with my friends after a long long time...
(=
though i really dun wanna play lfd... ahahz...
hmm... ok.. just ended my first game... hahaz... (=
head's spinning great.... but still coping...
thanks guys... (=
for not forgetting me.. .(=

2010-03-25T15:55:00.002+08:00

why is it that you know you had to do something yet you aint doing..
you know i hate this place so much, yet you're not doing anything..
even if just by bringing me out of this ghosty place... i'll prob be happier..
but instead of doing all these...
you say me on sms..
you really can add salt on pple's wound..
why are you always making me upset and disappointed with you?
if you really wan me to leave that much, why dun you just tell me straight?
haix

2010-03-22T13:14:00.002+08:00

i guess this time its really the end ba...
i'm sick of repeating everything again..
so yea...
march 20th, its officially the end le ba...
thats thanks to you for throwing behind to go home myself in the wee night..
put the blame on your migrain, it doesnt matter le...
cos YOUR MIGRAIN is more IMPORTANT than MY SAFETY.
you said everything is about me and myself... nothing to do with US,
i think you should go think back about who's the one saying " me and myself" and never include an US in it..
so if our relationship is based on wad you said.. wad for chase me back?
wad for say you care when in face you dint care.
brian reminded me to sms him when i reach home.. did you??
plus... xiao ping jie asked if you called me to try explain.. did you??
you said you asked me if i wanan go back 3 times?? i only heard once...
you expect me to understand how you're feeling and chase after you.
you expect me to be able to see you're not feeling good.
you expect me to see your veins.
HELLO!!!
you jolly well know i'm not someone who will be able to do all these...
usually you dun expect me to see all these, and yet you're telling me you're expecting me to do so now..
if you knew you couldnt take it, why the hell did you take over yiwei's shift?
helping someone else to the extend of your health, if its worth it... then you shouldnt even complain.
you made me damn fing disappointed..
i could have gone out with brian the whole day.
i smsed you saying when i'm done i'll find you... i wanted to ask you go ah ma's house tgt..
but in the end... this is wad i get..
have you gotten any idea how upset i was when i was walking to somerset alone??
did you know that i only listened to one song throughout my journey home and cried while walking?
now i know, wad you claimed before are all lies..
you dint give a damn about me..
let alone say you really loved me..
if i had known... i wouldnt have chosen you again back then..
i should have seen all these earlier... at least now i'll still be human...
i dun think anything is gonna be the same again..
now... you prob find me irking.. you prob hate me as much as i hate you...

love and hate is jsut a thin line across. i never knew i could hate someone that much, yet at the same time felt sad about it.
i never knew.

2010-03-19T03:12:00.002+08:00

i had a scary nightmare...
dreamt of a terrible tsunami in sg..
from east to west side..
the current of wave is 2 times taller then the buildings..
when it came... all the east siders were drown... flowing at a lesser current towards the west side...
in my dream. the thing happened on a mon...
i was stun when i saw it coming...
i was running uphill in a park-like.. only to find myself higher than the waters when it approaches me.. then at that moment i was worried.. cos my mum's working in changi...
i was scared...
followed a monk when he said there's a 7-storey building that wun meet the waves...
i followed him... at night... called my mum... only t find out she dint go work that day...
phew...

i'm really scared. that this dream will come true...
how???? maybe i should approach timo for help this time...
haix...

2010-03-17T15:52:00.004+08:00

whoa... spent the night at neth's house with joyce and isaiah... hahahz..
mm... wells... guess my shi san yao's lucky aint that good..
though played like 5 rounds. and losing 45 is considered small... i'm quite sad...
cos i'm the only one who lost to everyone..
mm... looks like i need to go for more training with xp jie..
hahahz..
hmm.. but yea... joyce said that it was quite obvious that i haven really gotten over him..
hahz... true true..
i guess i was just really happy..
afterall he's someone i used to devote my heart to.
and yea... natually i was smiling the night through even though i lost..
as usual... he's always bullying me..hahaz..
ok... i must say joyce is really a mj queen... and yea...
i dunno why but i just simply like the kakis yest..
ahhaz... talk about how i was lost at punggol int.. got up the wrong escalator and hence the wrong exit..
lost a while at the entrance before smsing isaiah, and yea... kena laughed at cos i had to cross the road in the end.. hahaz.
oh... i forgot something...
BITCH!!!! THANKS FOR YOUR BDAE PRESENT... OWE YOU 2... one's at home and one will be flying back from bkk.. (=

sometimes i did think back at the past... if we had loved each other than... now we'll prob be tgt for a year.. hahaz.. but too bad there's no chemistry ba...

2010-03-15T02:15:00.001+08:00

i made a decision to have a cool off again...
dunno wad i really wan...
i'm confused...
prob will just listen to joyce and use the thailand break to sort everything out..
why am i stuck in all these situation??
why must there appear 2 pple who treats me the same??
argh!!!!

2010-03-12T11:31:00.002+08:00

ok... after the emo posts..
here come a new piece of news..
on mon... i won mj at mx's house..
whoots...
all started with the shi sao yao..
hahz.. (=
awesome..
the entire night was filled with anxiety and stressness..
hahaz..
mm... ok...
after everything that had happened..
it only gave a conclusion that i will never consider him anymore..
after all that he has done to indirectly made me upset to the max..
cant say i'm totally happy... cos i'm not..
in fact i'm upset... but i'm moving on..
maybe i cant totally but i know i'm trying to move on..
wadever you had said... remember i need the evidence..
but even so i'm still obliged to stay where i am...

2010-03-07T12:46:00.002+08:00

this super moody mood is affecting my studies greatly...
i've got PBF test tmr and i haven even started studying for it...
argh!!!!! wads wrong with me???
why am i thinking so much??
afterall, i'm not important to a particular person anymore..
haix..

but think on the bright side, i still have something to be happy about..
at least belle received my bear..
and she's really happy receiving it.. (=
its the dunno how many year since i've chatted with her so happily.
somehow i kinda miss her.
the times we spent in school. and times when we dun get to meet but contact so often..
really miss those days.
just wish when she comes back, we can go out tgt.. (=

2010-03-06T05:30:00.002+08:00

suddenly i realised..
i'm no longer the most impt person in your life. even though you claimed it to be.
cos in your life, you already have a dear..
someone that you miss her smile more than wad you said you liked mine.
someone who texted you more than wad i do now.
somehow... i dunno why.. all her emails are gone from your inbox..
is it you deleted it cos you're afraid i'll read?
or is it you have another email just for her?
i dunno...
but dunno why.. i dun feel easy about this even though i'm just your friend now..
oh wells... since i've already made my decision... i really should move on and not hurt more pple..

today mood was bad..
my plant died..
and maybe cos i'm affected by nic's result..
but i'm happy for him..
ABC.. awesome..
(=
i'm proud of you boy..

if time can turn back again..
i only wanna meet one of them.. then i wun be that sad now..
even if i'm really sad now... things cant revert back anymore.. perhaps i've missed my half apple..
but at least i'm being loved now too.. and if i dint cherish my past... now i should cherish my present..

2010-02-23T18:06:00.002+08:00

mm... ok.. after hearing wad the promise was..it was kinda unacceptable...
not about you. but abt wad you had promised...
mm.. i kinda really hate someone now... even if its someone i dun even know...
haix.. i'm sorry... but also felt that i really wanna love you even more now...
to help you get out of it..
mm.... argh...
to thinki even thought you might be one who will ditch me after the patch...
looks like i really have to reflect on myself on how well/not well i've been treating you...
sorry toutou..

2010-02-23T01:12:00.003+08:00

guess you really dun understand wad the meaning of a relationship is ba.
so wad if you tried chasing me back after we break up and you dint do that to your ex..
does that mean that i have to allow you not telling me wads the hell is going on that you promised not to say?
even if its gonna sour our relationship. you wun tell me right?
if there's this one thing you aint gonna tell me... how many more are you gonna keep frm me?
your'e fulfilling your promise made to your ex. then wad am i to you? someone that can allow you to keep things from me ma?
so wad if there's supposed to be trust in one another? aint couples ought to be frank with each other? if i dun ask, its fine with me if you dun say. but you really understand wad i wan ma? even if i dun ask, i hope you will tell me everything about you... inclusive of your past.
but you dun wan me to know your past, how am i supposed to trust you?
i told you everything about my past w/o you asking..
ask yourself... did you tell me as much as how much i told you?

you wan to fulfil your promise at the expense of your relationship ma? its fine with me. if you wan it, i'll grant your wish.. but mind you... dun ever come looking for me ever again...
i mean wad i say

2010-02-21T13:17:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder why some pple just dun grow up.
OK. so that person tagged my tag board, talking about a friend of mine.
think about this.. so wad?
or rather put it this way. i dun really care wad you write, if you wanna insult me or wad-so-ever. wad i care is you make use of my friend's name. has he offended you in anyway? why should you use his name?
you said i confessed to him? since when? any evidence? lets just IMAGINE i did, so wad? come on la.. its been like 3 years? who doesn't have crushes? i bet you do as well. are you expecting your good friends to expose you as well? talking about you of wad happened like yearns of years ago?
uh huh... mean not sound correct..
who cares?
a tag board is meant for pple to communicate and understand each other better, or for friends to tag, understanding how you've been doing all these while. esp for friends who haven met up for years. its not for you to abuse the usage of tag boards to type nonsensical stuffs.

in case you're acting blur about wad I'm typing... I'M REFERRING TO YOU- NAME

2010-02-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

hey... its the 7th day of new year...
wanna wish everyone who still reads my blog a happy bdae...
in case you're wondering why, it's REN RI today. (=
this year's new year is a rather sad new year...
not that there's no visiting, but vdae falls tgt with new year...
which means... its just a day with family and not with valentine. true enough, my valentine is not in singapore to celebrate the first vday with me.
or maybe i should put it the other way. he spent the first few hours of vdae with me. (=
mm...
ok... so my visiting to friends and relative house has ended last night at elvina's house with pink surfers gathering. though i've lost like 10+ bucks, i'm still happy. cos its been long since we met up, ever since after city venture ba.
its a nice start after a long end. (= and now its time to mug again.
mug like i've never before. i think i should put in more effort than i've put into JC.
esp to the 2 subject i'm not really good in... plus feel so stranger to it.

finally after i start school like 6 month, i get to study with kor @ ah ma's house. got distracted by the canto show, but still good start with 3+ short ques of POA. good job pear. you still got like 18 more chaps to go.. whoots...

study study... no more MJ and thinking of gonig to resort world until may...

2010-02-18T15:33:00.002+08:00

yest i cried..
told toutou about my past.
but then again glad that i brought them up.. cos i nearly forgotten wad kinda guy i used to like.
(=
whether it was meant to be or not, we all were fated to be together.
cos i strongly believe in fate..
how me and jo fated to get strawberry tofu.
how me and brian fated to meet at bowling alley.
how me and toutou fated to sing the same song..
aint they all fate?
at times i really wonder if my decision will ever be wrong.
but whether it is or not, it doesnt really matter.
cos i've to learn to put the past down, treasure the present and embrace the future.
true that i really thought of going back to the past and live in the past again. esp so when the one i cared still cares so much for me.
but wads past has past.
there's a reason why its the past and a reason why we'll suddenly break up.
even if in the future i really regret, i'll just have to learn that it was a mistake done and move on.
thats life ba.
not that i'm not loving the guy in my life now.
i'm loving him... more and more each day.
so much so that i mind loving him.
no one can really understand how much i dun have confidence in relationship.
so wad if i once liked many guys.
i'm still not confidence in relationship. afraid of loving someone wholeheartedly.
cos of wad had happened back then.
but i dunno why this time i wanna love him wholeheartedly, faithfully..
even if i know i should protect myself from being hurt once again.
even if i know by doing so, i might once again lose the person i love with my heart.
even if i know my family prefers someone else to him.

2010-02-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

this is the first CNY that me and ben dint tag team play tgt...
and whoots... he won 40 bucks and i won 14 bucks on the first day..
been long since i won during chinese new year..
mm... CNY spent like usual, going to relatives house for visiting.
only difference is that this year my heart has flown to malaysia while i'm with my family.
hahahz..
maybe another difference is that i'm worrying abt prelims during CNY ba..
haix...
*prays*

another sad thing...
my drama series are not out yet...
wonder when will the last ep of autumn's concerto be out..
and when will the other eps of down with love out..

2010-02-03T01:53:00.002+08:00

have problems really been solved???
have troubles really gone away???
just whn i thought it had, i realised its not..
had a chat with neth...
talked a little of our little past...
everything seemed long ago and naive...
but we all grow from everything..
and i'm thankful from that past..
now its the present that even you dunno wad to do and gave weird suggestions..
ahhaz..
thanks ah boy...
(=
mm... just saw joyce blog and facebook..
her pic really made me miss my 21st...
i really should have called all my friends... even if there aint enough food...
i miss meeting up with most of my friends..
its all of a sudden... when you really miss your friends...
i'm 21... should be more mature when i'm dealing with such issues i'm facing now...
guess i should really make a logical decision and not really follow my heart since i really wanna settle down...
maybe i should..
haix... if only i'm guided out of my troubles...
i wanna be my old normal cheerful self with lotsa of friends again...

2010-01-30T13:17:00.002+08:00

benben misses toutou...

mm... guess i was beyond coldness to him yest...
so cold to an extend that he dint board the bus with me, just leaving me to go home myself..
and he himself went settlers..
went prawning last night... prawning session really cheered me up alot..
disturbing brian and prawning super huge prawns..
fighting with china pple for good spots..
hahaz...
setting up of the fire which failed many times due to the urber strong wind..
and finally settling down for wonderful prawn feast...
though not alot... only 19 prawns... but it was awesome.. esp when you're about to sleep, you get to ear wonderful prawns... juice and crunchy... hahaz... (= plus the chilli... whoots..
ok.. supposed to teach today..
but i've got absolutely no idea wad i did to my own ear that its hurting a big deal now...
to play safe, gonna see a doctor...
its really painful and felt heavy...
thanks to mx, who last min can take over my class...
(=
felt bad towards him...

2010-01-29T10:42:00.001+08:00

1000 posts le.... its been long since i tried to hit this number... (=

oh wells..
so things have come to a halt?
maybe, maybe not..
yest met him the last time ba??? since we've started the game...
things are definitely not gonna be the same anymore...
but i stil hope that some things will be better...
hope, hoping...

i know you will work hard towards our common goal..
i'll try my best too...
once i pick myself up...
right now... i'm jsut a useless piece of junk that ought to be thrown into the rubbish bin...
if not... someone please wake me up from all the nightmares...
its really tormenting.. i'm feeling suffocated...
and all i could do is helplessly cry all night... =(

2010-01-28T12:57:00.002+08:00

so yea... started "the game' today..
1 month...
terrible feeling...
somehow i regretted saying that...
but it jsut shows how much you really mean to me...
now i ust wish i dint start the game with you...
sorry...

2010-01-27T16:45:00.003+08:00

its been realy long since i really used my blogger...
not that i have another blogger... but just that i totally had no time to blog about life..
was attched... but not anymore..
emotions of the heart is really a troublesome thing...
i have to admit i've fell into that fearsome trap.. and i'm still trying to figure how to really free myself...
things haven been moving smoothly...
there are things that i really cannot tahan about him, but yet again... i dunno why i still feel for him that much...
but the more i feel for him... the more it made me colder towards him... but its just a way to chase him away totally... and yea... somehow i've somewhat succeeded in doing it..
yet again... i dunno if my feelings for him is deeper than wad i had for my past...
maybe the best way afterall is to really leave both for good..

maybe lets play a game called " the game"
we're all gamers... this should be an interesting game for all of us..
its also a way to test our feelings for one another..
this game only has 2 rules...
1) Do not contact each other for 1 month..
2) if you break the rule, anyone who broke it... cannot contact that person for 2 months..

maybe this game can really let me sort things out calmly...

2010-01-04T09:35:00.002+08:00

so the new year is here...

thats fast...

at least i think its gonna be a new year...

at that hateful 2009 is over...

2009 was a terrible year...

many things happened...

unhappy things happened...

haix..

but at least its over...

hopefully this new year will be more promising...

anyway... so this year..... practically started the year at settlers.... worked there throughout the season.. counted down christmas there... counted down new year there..

mm.... and had my first tarot card reading there too... (=

read generally for the year, as well as me and mx..

mm.... the general reading is gonna be a hard year for me emotionally... but still smooth on overall, ending the year with a big bang...

feb there will be something that will cause an adverse selection on my emotions until aug...

wonder wad that is gonna be...

nov is a month to beware as there will be problems with family..

haix..

on overall... dun think back on the past and have faith in the present and future.. enjoy wadever you have right now..

mm...

so here is my late wishes to everyone...

happy new year to everyone!!!! (=

to all my friends...

thanks for being a wonderful friend in 2009... esp to all my SIM OG mates, FOC AND FOD.

and to XO TEAM, esp brian...

special message to special friends..

brian: thanks for being there whenever i'm feeling low... i'm sorry i've let you down. and prob caused you your greatest sorrows... i'm sorry... but still... thanks for everything you've donw for me in the past 2+ years....

pam: thanks for being such a wonderful friend. although you're at aussie... you're missed... (=

and thanks manys for all the advise you give me... (= because there's you, pear's wad she is today... (=

mx: thanks for appearing in my life... that funny night made us wad we are now... (= thanks for being there for me..... though i've been tearing alot cos i miss the past, you've always been there for me... thanks bby

2009-12-17T11:49:00.002+08:00

after so long... i'm still scared of mx's parent... scared to approach them... scared to say hi... now i wanna invite them to my bdae party.. but i'm scared too... =(
been at his house quite frequently cos we've been preparing for the big day...
at the same time i've been sick for the past 2 weeks... going to be 3 le...
wonder when my cough, flu and throat pain will be gone...
bby has been cooking for me the pear soup... initially was really bitter... =( but later on he added suger...
(=
busy busy...but then again... cos we've been spending too much time tgt, it sems as though i've neglected my og mates... such that now i seem to be almost excluded in most of their convo and events... besidez the xmas one...
feel damn sad.. cos to them i've ps them for bf... but bby knows that i really wanna spend the time with them...
all the events, CV, CS, dodgeball, i really wanna join...
just that i couldnt due to personal reasons... =(
now everytim i see their fb adn all their convo, i've got no idea wad are they talking about... and everytime i see the new notification... somehow i feel really sad...
but wad can i do???
wanted to go school for tham's lesson...
but i overslept.. cos i was really tired... went paya lebar, suntec yest... to get things for preparation...

mood: semi-sad

2009-12-13T11:55:00.002+08:00

i'm finally recovering... though all my medicine's gone... but still haven fully recover...
hope i'll be fine soon!! (= whee... this week's a crazy week... no work but lots of shopping and preparation to be done...
now i'm doing gift wrappings... hahaz....
i'm so glad... that though i'm sick.. he's there for me almost 24/7..
or maybe i should say its like 24/5???
thanks bby for looking after me and making take my medicine.. (=

2009-12-06T14:06:00.002+08:00

haven been feeling very well recently..
flu, fever, nose bleed and emotion swings.
haix...
i guess i'm having mild depression la...
ahhahz.. (=
ok... so worked really like siao lately... just to earn extra income for my 21st birthday..
alot of pple asked me if i have a wishlist...
wells... of course i do have.. but i think it might be too ex for pple to get for me...
so dun really expect much.. (= besides, i never wanted to celebrate my bdae, but in the end prepare and got myself troubled over it.
haix...

ok... if you guys wanna know wad they are, here's the list...
but i still dun hope anyone to spend on me... esp my dearest..

Her wishlist:
- Iphone/ i touch
- prince squash racket ( yellow and orange)
- customise crumpler (black and pink/ shades of pink)
- DKNY sleek watch
- new laptop
- tiff and co key from mum and dad
- exclusive gift from bby. (= *use telepathy*

2009-12-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

its been long since i blogged in here...
at times when i'm really upset... i just wanna blog everything down...
but i dun have the time and by the time i'm free, i forgot wad i really wanna type..
sometimes i really wonder..
are all couples like wad we are??
do all couples think of wad we're thinking??
dun you realised that all along we're just playing mind guesses?
isnt it really tiring?
i really dunno...
is it normal not to have any topic on the phone?
cos i dun seem to have any thing to talk to you.
its either that or i'll just be the one talking and feel as though i'm talking and answering myself.
i hate that feeling...
makes me feel as though i'm alone even though i'm not alone.
sometimes i really hope you're by my side..
but even though i know you cant be there by me when i need you.. i accepted it yet i still feel upset.
at times i really feel that disapppearing is the best option for everyone..
but yet i cant bear to... and i know the longer i wait to untie the knot, the more i'll hurt others.
but then again... i really dunno wad i'm supposed to do.
maybe i really do compare ba..
maybe i haven really put my past down..
but so wad?? i was happy with you.. and now at times i'm still happy with you too..
maybe cos we've been seeing each other too often... or maybe we've crossed that line which i've set.. i'm not as happy as i was with you before..
maybe its cos its really tiring to play mind guesses... but its you right?
maybe..
i always hope for a future for us.. i still hope that the day will come..
but does hoping for something really do come true?
birthday wishes never comes true.. wads more for hoping for something out of nowhere?

how exactly am i feeling??
i can only say...
my love for you isnt as much as before...
but somehow i still placed you as my 1st priority..
1st over my family also...
how sad can my life be...
haix...

2009-11-16T08:23:00.002+08:00

blog has been quite emo lately...
sorry to all who reads it...
but yea...
my heart's telling me one thing and my mind another...
and if i were to follow my heart, i will hurt bby...
if i were to follow my mind, i will hurt tooty..
haix...
but at least i'm clear of where i wanna steer myself towards..
i hope whoever's hurt will forgive me...
memories are always memories...
thanks for giving me such memories that no one can replace...
because its left deep in me, i will always tear upon them.
if time were to return, i will definitely treasure you more..
but too bad things cant go back in time..
therefore i should say, you yuan wu fen...
maybe in the future if we still had feeligns for each other still and you're still available and if i'm also available, fate might bring us back tgt again...
but from now till then, no one knows of wads gonna happen...
so wadever the thing is, be happy always..
you're still my good/ close friend..
it may hurt, but i know soon you'll be ok...

2009-11-15T20:58:00.002+08:00

life has been really up and down...

i've made both upset and hurt when i did not intend any to be..

at times i really hated myself for doing that...

haix...

why am i crying so much for one in front of the other?

yet i've no intention anymore to go back to square one..

am i bring fair to everyone???

its hindering the r/s yet i cant do anything about it..

i'm really confuse...

maybe its time to really do something about it and sort everything out...

sorry that i cant face you now...

i cant help but cry..

sorry...

give me time...

2009-11-13T01:39:00.002+08:00

guessed i had a nervous breakdown today...
completely couldnt control myself from tearing...
it was my fault at work...
i accepted it... but i dunno why i just teared...
i'm soooooo sorry...
things haven really gone too fine...
but things are not getting out of hand too...
its just me and my damn emotions...
haix...
(= but i'm really glad i can talk things out with bby...
and at least be frank with him...
thanks bby...
i know you will read the post de... hahahz..
but stilll.... thanks for staying by me and being such a loving bf...
i'm fortunate...
i know i am... even without the rest telling me how fortunate i am...
(=
but yea...
i'm still a weird gal.. and it doesnt change the fact that you fell in love with a weird gal...
(=

2009-11-11T00:36:00.003+08:00

i was really upset...
its kinda the first time i celebrated our 1st month anni that sadly b4...
or rather first time i cried with a negative heart at 10.10pm
i really wanted to take a neocard...
maybe i'm just not used to it ba...
it has always been the case that i get to choose wad i wanna do on the anniversary month..
and wadever i wanna do, it will be granted...
but not this time...
cant take neocard cos you werent in the mood... which wasnt the actual reason...
cant play mj cos you dint feel like it...
i know you were afraid that i wasnt well enough...
but still... i was still upset...
i never intended to cover my emotions... cosi wun do that...
but even if i'm upset... wad can i do???
i'm not supposed to compare... its not even fair to do so...
and i promised myself never to bring him up in front of you... cos everytime i do so.. i could see your frown...
it really made me think...
its only the first month yet things are alreayd like that...
will things get better? or will it get worse??
are we really happy tgt? or you're just trying so hard to be better than him, such that you aint happy anymore?
maybe i really should sort my emotions out properly... before i really decide on anything?
is that a better option? at least i wun make you so upset..

2009-11-09T23:27:00.003+08:00

screwed up many things...
thought back of the past...
only to find out how fortunate i really was back then...
but its all too late le.. i've chose to give it up...
so now wad i can do is to move on bravely... keep the past as memories...
and treasure my present..
anyway... today's really a weak day for me...
bby had to pei me and look after me throughout the whole day...
knew he had to go jurong point to meet his friend to study..
but in the end... he dint go cos of me...
haix... sorry...
sometimes i really think too negatively... but at times i really cant help it...
maybe its the insecurity ba...
but we all know how much we treat/love each other...
cried on sat night and whole of yest...
suck but i cant help it...
whenever i think about it... i cry... think of something else... i cry...
wadever i do, i tear...
argh!!!!! =(

wad will life be without you??
i dare not think about it..

2009-11-07T23:38:00.004+08:00

singapore's really small...
but i'm glad i went cathy... even if its just to withdraw $$
met languan and his friends...
seems like he's really happy with life...
good good... (=
mm.... many many things have been happening...
now i'm just really worried that my spine will just get worse...
spine bone has been straining much recently...
so painful until that day went to see a sensei... hopefullly the sensei can treat me...
but sad to say... i think now it got worse...
i'm really scared that one day i'll become a handicap...
maybe that's why i've been frowning more lately...

i'm really afradi of loving you that much...
scared that the more i love you, the sadder i will feel when i see you frown or your emotionless face..
been restricting myself alot...
sometimes its tiring... i'm still trying hard...

2009-10-30T01:27:00.002+08:00

its been long since i really blog much here...
been so busy with SRC and studies...
i'm seriously lagging alot behind for all my subjects...
its just 3 weeks since i touched my work and now i'm struggling...
argh!!!
ok... this 3 weeks is a drastic change of my life...
to all who still haven noticed...
i'm attached...
to a guy i really love alot...
mm... never thought i will get attached de... cos wasnt interested in getting attached...
but yea... many asked me why i will be...
it was mutual...
and since we like each other... not like any ordinary liking... why not give it a try??
hahz... (=
today is the 20th day..
there were hiccups... but many other happiness and memories...
i just cant help but love him more each day.
his smile will just melt my heart away... no matter wadever mood i'm in...
love lookig at him... cos of his brown eyes.... love his voice cos its just too sweet.
love wadever he does for me.... from morning breakfast to getting me wadever food i feel like eating to accompanying me whereevr i wanna go, to sending me home though its so late at night, to spending max time with me as possible... (=

o-("o-)
specially for my dearest!!!

2009-10-24T21:18:00.003+08:00

Handball officially over on thurs after us returning the goal post to PJC...

met up with mr yaw and talked about odac stuffs

then sun bian asked about the goal post...

he said he will get back to me where pjc got their goal post.. (=

NIKE human race has ended today too.... more free time.... means!!!!!

more time to study... and yea... i'm gonna mia liao!!! hahz.. .(=

2009-10-13T21:10:00.001+08:00

iloveyoubby!!!! (=
thanks for everything...

2009-10-12T19:14:00.001+08:00

i'm really scared..

somehow i felt that you have things hiding from me...

yet you dun wanna let me know cos you dun wan me to be upset..

i wish you will tell me... guess i cant really write everything here.... iwll write it at my other blog.

2009-10-08T00:11:00.002+08:00

i had a totally awesome day!!!
(= morning meet mx to go school... (=
then went to megabites to eat... then set up booth...
stay a while... helped cut some flyers...
(= whee!!!! went for pbf... totally not paying attention... smsing and chatting with sze han..
had to disturb jaren afew times about the diff formula...hahzh
psps...
mm.... ok.. .after lesson went back to booth until 4...
in between ate brownie with ice cream..
hahz... (= superb.. wanted to go makan place with mx de... but dint feel like eating heavy meal...
heex... sorry boy..
after booth close..
we went up to get naughty G drink.... hahz... cos they wanted to try the drink...
and yea... apparently they got the wrong kind of energy drink!!!!! (= muahahaha..
but the drink had totally no effect la...
maybe cos no one to arouse them la... (=
ok... then went to wen liang's house to mj... today i'm guai... dint play at all... tac with mx... (=
not bad la.... won a total of 21 bucks... (=
happy!!!! (=
then rina, and mx came to kim seng leng for dinner since cheryl stay opp my house... so we all cab tgt... (=
and yea.... was kinda emo today.... cos of some sms... =( so spent some time on my piano... hoping to vent it all out..
i think i'm gonna learn choran by bach le... hahz... (= the music has been stuck in my head man!!! thanks to someone who kept whistling it to me.

2009-10-06T23:54:00.002+08:00

yay!!!!
yest got my new fone... and its a valentine pink fone!!!
(=
mx was nice to pei me home, cos i need to get dinner for mummy... then after that... that boy just stuck himself to the piano...
ahahz.. .(=
ok... went over to his house to do the poster and flyer...
spent nearly 4 hour to do both....
but thankfully the effect was great... at least we dint waste the time...
butbutbut... cos of doing the flyer and poster... we missed our meatball movie...
and i'm still waiting for my meatballs...
ahhahz... (=
today meeting was rather relaxing...
after that went to alzhar for dinner...by then was super duper late...
missed my meatballs once again... =(
boy.... i wanna watch lei...
after dinner went to lot one to get my anti-glare screen protector... whee(=

2009-10-05T00:50:00.002+08:00

head's still spinning like madness...
thinki'm gonna pop in panadols liao...
mm.... after work went to holland v to meet pinkies for crystal jade...
then went to lot one... to meet mx for movie...
omg.... i could hardly differentiate a human from a sarrogate...
hahz... (=
after that went home... and now here i am...
trying to sort out the video stuffs with edwin...
while chatting with some handball peeps...
got steph to replace my work tmr...
cos i think i'm gonna go school to do the vetting

2009-10-03T22:46:00.002+08:00

my head's still spinning...
but i really enjoyed yest alot!!!
went for maths halfway, then ponned to go find clarence and jo for the meeting stuff...
after that min xiang joined us...
talked awhile about the stuffs before we went to play frisbee
omg...
that boy played until he was completely wet...
hahaz.... ok... we played with nic...
and nic.. i'm so sorry lei... ps you in the end..
(= but we all had fun playing in school la...
after that...
meet the rest for dinner at school's canteen... before going to NUS for the unigame handball...
at the same time support SIM
whoots... though we dint win... but OMG!!! was an exciting match i would say...
noted a few points for the referees... but now too tired to type all out
after that went to mx's house with rina... before going to wen liang's house...
showered at his house since we're gonna stay at wen liang's house overnight...
hahaz... i guessed i took an urber long time to bath la... the water too shiok liao...
ahhz...(=
ok... by the time we bought our supper and going over to wl's house???
it was like 1am liao...
played until 9am... i nearly dropped dead on the floor!!!
hahz... thankfully the last game ended soon...
enough for me to go lot 1 eat breakfast and going to mx's house to nap a while...
at mac, saw ah di and uncle... hahz... (=
then taught ah di from 1... until 3 plus... took a short nap b4 going home...
and all i did was sleep my way through until 10pm...
just too tired... hahz...
and i'm still tired...
think i'm gonna head for bed soon..

2009-09-30T18:26:00.002+08:00

been busy with SRC and schoool stuffs...
finally today i understood my basic concept of poa.
thanks kor!!! (=
hahaz.... but too bad i'm not good at it to teach you...
mm.... i'm starting to love my SRC handball peers!!! (=
cheers... maybe cos its the bond and all the meetings and the MJ....
and yea... thanks minxiang for helping me hold my lappie throughout, even at mac la...
hahahz...
and doremon!!! hahah....
that was random yet funny!!!
muahahaha
(=

2009-09-30T01:40:00.001+08:00

hahz....
i'm loving my handball peers...(=
lotsa of fun joy and laughter even during meetings...
hahahz..
mm.... and lotsa of common interest!!! MJ.. haha..
i guess i'm becoming a gu gui... but its for fun de... (= with good friends around...
hahaz whee!!!! (=

2009-09-28T01:15:00.002+08:00

pear just sent her dearest friend off at the airport...
felt sad and nearly cried...
its the 2nd person she sent off this year to aussie...
and both of them are impt to her in her life...
=(

pammy!!!
pear will miss you greatly...
thankfully there's this thing called skype and webcam!!!
anyway... really thanks alot for being my pillar of support for the past 3.5 years???
hahz... if there's ever this thing as having 2 bestfriends... you'll be my 2nd bestfriend...
hahaz... but its ok.... you're always my gf... (=
life had been fun with you and xo team...
esp all the outings to your house... all the mj-ing for fun session... the terrible studying when we were in school... the mla times... the crying times at MOE excel fest... then all the outings...
i wun ever forget them,...
just hope to see you soon when you come back singapore...
remmeber this k???
whenever you're feeling upset or need a talking partner... msn or email me.... as long as i'm online, not busy with work... i'll put my time aside for you... (=
when you're back in singapore... i'll make time for you...
cheers... dun tear anymore yea?? crying too much aint good for your health... (=
we wun be gone...
smile for you know we're always supporting you mentally..
anyway... hoep you liked the little gift i got for you...
the message on it is exactly how i felt... (=

miss you

2009-09-27T10:48:00.003+08:00

fri night was pam's farewell party at lunar.
yest was darren's birthday celebration at SAF seaview chalet.
damn shagged!!!
today sending pam off at night...
wahhhhh
this week too intereting le..
ahhz...
mm...fri i went to a asian fusion KTV pub/club...
whoots.... i never thought i would ever step into one again..
ahhz.. but i did!!
hmm.... danced the whole night.... and then went home tipsy... hahz...
alot of them were drunk.. including pam herself...
hahhaz...
mm....
sat... met kenneth at 3pm to get the book and stuff... then delia and hui min came to do the book...
then leonard and tiffany joined...
after that diana came.... went home and then back again...
we actually made the OG book for darren from 4 plus until 8plus...
OMG!!!!
hahz... even jiesheng also dl us.... cos take so long...
sorry...
mm.. drank alcohol again... played mj. played guitar heros...
mj was horrible...
i actually lost to isaiah, kenneth and leonard tan...
total lost 30++
haix... when will i recoup my losses???
ahhaz.. dint sleep until this morning when we go changi village for breakfast...
actually fell asleep while queuing for the nasi lemak...
and leonard "tried" to steal an egg...
but was so weird.. cos he cant do anything to the egg...
cant keep it in his pocket... except to hold it with care in his hands..
hahz...
mm.... slept my way home... and finally i'm back!!!
gonna zzz le...
nite pple...

i hate today.. cos i dun wan pam to leave...
but its for her own good... we all know that...
and i'll still give her my blessings...

2009-09-25T00:35:00.002+08:00

i finally told him wadever i thought i heard that night...
apparently he himself dun even know wad he said...
hahaz.... funny porky!!
anyway.... cheer up!!!
if a monkey face can ever make you smile... i will do it... Just for you!!(=

i've been lost on my studies recently...
guessed i really played too much... and focus of other aspects in life than studies...
gonna readjust my priorities again...
mm.... finally did a little of my pbf.... gonna try writing an essay out soon... (=
ganbatte neh!!!

anyway.... good news for HANDBALL PEEPS!!!
we've clinched our first SPONSOR!!!
and i've gotten hold of the vouchers already!!
whee!!!! i'm so damn excited about it that i helped you guys cut the vouchers...
hahz...
pearly=imba???? by clarence.... no la... like wad mas said... i'm just too enthu about it...
which is why i'm your secretary right???? muahahahz...
ok... enough of crap...

pearly aint exactly happy... but she's looking on the bright side of life..
thats wad make her happy most of the time...
even if she's angry on the surface...
she's happy....
happy to be able to show her emotions...
(=

i like wad wenfang write on the paper,,
every 60 seconds spent upset is 1 min of happiness lost...

2009-09-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

there were times when i really just wanna put my damn pride down and patch with you...
really there were times...
my believe to each relationship that had ended was that thing can be changed so long as it happens within 3 months...
but it'll never happen anymore...
similar nights have happened and the same outcome jsut happened...
all because all i wan now is a new lifestyle. i dun wan the same thing to be happening all over again and me getting upset all over again..
and yea... i thought you had forgotten wad day 20th was...
cos i kept asking you wad time you ended... and i wanted you to pei me...
but your answer was you dunno wad time end and you cant go out for midnight bowling...
i was jsut sensitive enough to think that you dint wanna spend time with me...
so be it... i was sad and angry... but wad right do i have????
i'm no longer your gf... its just a special occasion that you never had forgotten..
wells.... jsut too bad that all had happened la...
mm... ok... so this morning you told me you aint free until 130pm...
seriously i thought cos your popo cooked lunch for you thats why...
wth!!! turns out that you were playing bball with kh... and wads worse... bo jio... you know i like playing.. and its so damn bloody near... even if i un reply your sms... can still text over right???
rahhh!!! ok... my bad that i shoo you off... and started crying myself on the bus... happy???

and yea... i've made my decision that... i really should break contact with you... you know your smses are enough to make me cry, anywhere anytime.

2009-09-18T00:53:00.002+08:00

today's quite a slack day for me at work... hahz..
(= no customers... therefore me and matt slacked the whole 5 hrs gettng paid...
ahhz... (=
mm... and the fun part was that matt and i were havng fun teasing and bullying each otehr...
we were like semi quarrelling in the kitchen during closing time too..
ahzh.. (=
mm...ok... so nice matt offered to give me a lift home.... with my life at risk...
felt so paiseh... so its kinda not really in the way for him...
plus... his mum is there too... hazh.. .(=
but thanks thanks!!! (=
his mum was really friendly!!! and yea we all had nice chats in the car...
oh did i mentioned that i overslept and couldnt go for lesson in the morning???
ahzh... (=
missed 3 lessons this week le...
hahz..
poa and 2 pbf lessons
gonna buck up!!!
and yes!!! i kinda love going out with my mj kakis...
ahzh... (=
loved the trip to sentosa... had a lot of fun... in the event of it... most of them got sunburnt, blisters and abrasion...
but sad to say.. i dint kena.... only had a super distinct tan mark... =(

2009-09-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

ok... jsut back from supper with brian... hahz...
thanks boon!!!!
ok... went to work today...and was totally busy like nobody's business...
gosh... mm... and teh pple there are so damn f-ing bitchy and bastard...
dunno how to describe them la...
not all though... many were super nice pple... just for that few black sheeps...
rahhh!!! ok... so i slogged in a great 5 hrs...
and finally home to rest..
totally shagged to study... was having headach... now finally fulfilled my stomach's wishes by having great supper with great companion...
hahzh.. (=
seriously... you're the best man!!! just a sms from me... you really come down find me...
(=
thanks

2009-09-11T10:41:00.000+08:00

mm... woke up pretty early wanting to study...
but ended up just playing fb applications..
argh!!!
ok.. went comex yest... bought mum a new keyboard and mouse set.. hope she like it...
bought myself a bogman bag... hahz.. its so cute.. and its similar to crumpler... just that cheaper...
hazh.. (=
mm... bought a textbook in school too.. total spenditure was huge!!!
hahaz... gonna claim my textbook money from dad liao...
mm... anyway...
been quite sianx recently... later after school... gonna camp either in school or home liao... to mug a little while before going out again...
maybe going comex once again... accompany pam and then prawning at night...
i'm so looking forward to it!!! (= whee!!!!

2009-09-08T22:38:00.002+08:00

today's a super duper long day.... guess i'm gonna rest soon..
mm... ok.. i actually overslept this morning... nearly cabbed down... but lucky jiesheng ask me take my time...
kinda slept during poa lesson.... then kinda slept on econ lect too...
then had 3 hr of long break.... played bastard dai di until 4 plus... then slowly walk to np makan place...
eat subway and waffle.... chit chat and gossip...
then walked back to school and settle down at the canteen watch tv... until 615pm then walk to the room.... saw jie sheng, leonard khoo, delia, marcus and meng jie...
hazh... stired alittle of shit...
then went for meeting...
after meeting had dinner with some sporties... (=
wei ming asked how i think of our committee???
mm... fun loving bunch of pple... (=
at least for now no politics... so i'm quite glad...

2009-09-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

started my day by going to settlers and coming home cos gave my shift up to someone...
was not feeling well... =(
and my leg was hurting alot... cos i had to wear jean with a wound... damn sian...
after going home... rest a while.... decide to go school to study/ maybe crash jaren's lect...
so studied econs...
and finally!!!!
started my engine alittle and got my peers into thinking really hard to answer my queries... but we were still unable to solve that econ question...
after much attempt...
got hungry... so went beauty world to eat..
dint know there got nice food until jie sheng, kevin and nicholas brought me there...
hahz.. (=
mm... after eating.... suddenly we decided to play mj at jie sheng's house...
so off we started calling our kakis...
and tada.... joyce, shawn, kevin and nicholas staying at jie sheng's house tonight... while i cannot stay over cos i'm a guai gal... (=
hahaz.... but not bad... won 10 bucks... (=
since kenneth cannot come out... i shall be nice and give him a treat next time...
and since i ps brian tonight... i shall be nice and treat him ice cream too... (=
whee!!!

2009-09-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

ok.. gonna blog before i go do my tut...

wah sian... i thought my fall was small...
but sad sia... since its at the knee there... i'm like a bai ka now...
this morning supposed to go for src handball de...
but in teh morning i couldnt even walk... shit!!! =(
so i completely missed the meeting today...
sadded... was actually looking forward to going de...
but due to my negligence and my clumpsiness..
i fell during frisbee training yest and scrape my skin...
then my team mates stepped on me...
gg... left ankle and knee cui...
ok... afternoon limped myself to meet brian and then down to SP to support my seniors!! (=
whee... i dint make a wrong choice...
SIM ULTIMATE FRISBEE IS THE BEST!!!!
even though in the end we only won 2nd... its damn good!!!
at least we beat the 2 local unis!!! (=
smu and nus i think... hahz...
now dun come telling us cos you're in local uni thats why you all need to study harder...
ahhz.. (= cos we mug hard and play hard too!!!
hahaz.. (=
okok... then after the finish their semi-finals... we left for queensway... need to find quotations for jacket/woolie-hoodie, my fbt tee, frisbee, my sling bag and ah di's present..
whee... out of 5 i complete 3...
sling bag dun have the one i wan..
as for frisbee damn colourful la...
hahz... (=
ok... fruitful trip but spent my salary away liao...

funniest part is here...
we walked all the way to take 963 home...
then finally aftera super super long wait... 963 finally came...
then we moved to the back... saw darren... talked a while only to find out he's going vivo...
but i'm going home ( opp direction)
then he said its the wrong direction... the reaction was damn funny!!!
so in the end ... we alighted at the next stop to cross the road home...
then received his sms " haha, blur blur!! "
win liao... we waited so long but never check the board...
hahaz...

ok... gonna go do my tut liao...
*postscript: i dint mean to ask you f off my life... i'm really sorry about it..
but why are you so protective over her yet claim there's nothing going on?

2009-09-04T23:01:00.000+08:00

wahh... totally shagged from frisbee today...
hahz... (= played mini game then play actual game...
whoots.... sweat everything out...
tired but happy...
hazh... mmm.... this week jie sheng and gang dint come... but darren and augustine